Sometimes I think my husband and I are polar opposites. When I try to mentally catalogue our differences, I’m amazed we can tolerate each other at all. They tell you opposites attract, and that balance is everything, and I guess they are right for once. Because in spite of the many ways in which we are dissimilar, we seem to make a pretty great team.
- My husband is a man of few words.
- I could talk all day. Shocking, I know.
- On the Myers-Briggs, I am an ENFJ- extraverted, intuitive, feeling, judging.
- My husband is an ISTJ- nearly my exact opposite. He is introverted, sensing, thinking, and judging. Thank God neither of us is a spontaneous, think-outside-the-box “P.” We’d be doomed!
- I require frequent socialization with my girlfriends to keep me sane. (Please refer to The HerStories Project: our book about the importance of female friendship coming next month!)
- My husband would rather stay home with the girls. (Bless him.)
- My husband has an amazing work ethic. He is always doing something.
- I could waste an entire day lost in my own thoughts and daydreams.
- I live for emotional processing and self-analysis.
- My husband would probably rather poke out his own eyes than listen to me discuss the origins of our dichotomous communication styles one more time.
- I prefer to be heaped with compliments, affection, and words of affirmation.
- My husband would rather I show my appreciation and love for him by doing something nice. Like (sob) household chores. He wrinkles his nose at compliments. (FYI, hubby. You’re not fooling anyone. I know you love it when I say, “you look hot in that shirt.”)
- When it comes to my past relationships, my husband would rather the subject never come up. Ever.
- I, on the other hand, would love to hear the details on all his exes. That stuff fascinates me. But he has no interest in traipsing down memory lane with me.
- My husband loves heavy metal.
- The only heavy metal song I truly love is “Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone” by Cinderella. Likely because it evokes memories of suppressed sobs during a couples skate in a dimly lit roller-rink. And I was a music major, so my taste in music is pretty much impeccable.
My husband hates snot.- I hate vomit.
- My husband knows when it’s time to change the oil, rotate the tires, winterize the swamp cooler, and start planting the garden.
- I know when the kids need their next haircuts, dentist appointments, and doctor’s checkups.
- My husband can’t remember things that happened last week.
- I remember everything. Everything.Â
- I flip out when things get spilled, kids are bleeding, and stress is high.
- My husband stays cool as a cucumber.
- Back in his glory days, my husband skied, snowboarded, mountain biked, and rafted.
- I’m more of an “indoor girl.”
But we both love driving around and looking at Christmas lights. We like snuggling on the couch and watching mindless TV while eating chocolate chip cookies, warm from the oven. We are both afflicted with the unfortunate condition that causes us to enjoy going on road trips with our children.
We have the same values as parents, and utilize the same parenting style. We are both deliberate and conscious in the way we choose to raise our children. We have the same philosophy with money; neither of us is an impulsive spender or an unreasonable penny-pincher.
For these reasons, and many more, we work. In spite of our vast differences, our varied preferences for music and leisure time, and our emotional style polarities, we work. Sure, I would love it if sometimes he was more complimentary, but I suppose it’s not such a bad thing that we are in fact complementary. (Did I mention I’m a wordsmith vocabulary nerd? Are you shocked that he’s not?)Â
I’m sure many of us have griped about all the ways in which we wish our partner was more like ourselves. But I bet at the end of the day, I couldn’t stand to be married to myself. Two of me in this marriage, or two of him in this marriage would not be a good combination. It takes my verbosity mixed with his mechanical reasoning skills, my passion mixed with his evenness, and my dreams mixed with his grounded-ness to make this marriage work. Between the two of us, we have a well balanced partnership. As for the heavy metal? Well, I suppose we all have to make some concessions, right?
This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post.
This week’s sentence was:Â “When it comes to my past relationships, my partner/spouse thinks…”
Next week’s sentence is: “Right now, I am thankful for…”
* Alternate sentence: “When I hear the word pilgrim, I think of…”
Your hosts:
Me
Janine at Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kristi at Finding Ninee
Kate at Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?
Link up with us below, and share your favorite posts with #FTSF!
My husband and I are basically the same yin/yang as you and your husband. I was nodding my head practically the whole time I was reading this! We would have a fun double date. Except our husbands probably wouldn’t say more than 5 words combined:)
Ha! As if we’d let them get a word in anyway… 😉
My husband and I are polar opposites, too! But I firmly believe that’s why we work. As much as I like to poke fun of him, I love him like crazy and there’s just something about us that just WORKS. And, to be honest? If I was married to someone as high strung as me, it would not be good news!!!!
Oh, I hear you. I would HATE being married to another me!
I was so in agreement with so much of your post tonight, because Kevin and I are definitely opposites in many ways, including the fact that I am the one you can never shut up and he is definitely more introverted, but I will say I agree with your husband and cannot remember anything lately. Notes are seriously my best friend, because I seriously have mommy brain bad I suppose more times then not! But do agree that opposites do attract and you are right I don’t think I could ever be with someone exactly like me, because not sure who kill who first, lol! 🙂
Well, there is the whole mommy brain thing- I’m definitely more scattered than I was before!
Loved this. You are the perfect couple and so cute together. Delightful read. Still have a smile on my face.
Oh Sandy, thank you so much. What a lovely comment! 🙂
Oh, my God – what a narrative. I absolutely hope/know/plead that Shawn reads this – and everyone who is in a polar opposite marriage. It is absolutely THE most beautiful concise understanding of what goes into a marriage – and what comes out.
Why thank you! That means a lot to me. 🙂
Stephanie~ you addressed this topic so beautifully! {And I am the same way, I remember grilling my husband about previous relationships when we first got married, and he has no interest in that topic!} My husband and I are very similar, which is great in many ways, but also has its challenges. And I love your wordplay. 🙂
Thanks for that. 🙂 I appreciate it. Sometimes I am sad that we aren’t more similar. But I try to imagine what I would be giving up for more emotional commonality and stylistic similarities. And I remember that, despite my deepest wishes, I don’t get to bend life to my will! 😉
I laughed out loud (like – as you once described – a for real, audible LOL) with the heavy metal reference. You guys are adorable. I love him myself for the history that I know. And for getting you to realize that metal is GOOD (enough). 😉
Love this, Stephanie. For real, right back.
You know what I love? Tweeting with you right now. 😀 And thanks. Glad you laughed about the metal stuff. And sheesh- my tiny toddler has quite a collection of metal T-shirts.
Wow. First off, my husband sounds exactly like yours (minus the heavy metal) and you and I sound a lot alike (not to be stalker-ish or anything). I wonder how many of us bloggers are affirmations people too?? I think that’s a big reason why I love to blog so much…COMMENTS!! And, there are NEVER enough compliments from the husband. He’s doing better after 11 years, but still, it’s hard for him to point something out because he doesn’t care about that for himself at. all.
I think opposites really do work, and I suspect that when we are in our 80’s that we will be a lot more alike than opposite. He has taught me so much about chilling out, and I like to believe he’s learning how to speak up when necessary too!! 🙂
Ha ha, not stalkerish at all! I think you make an excellent point about bloggers having some of those qualities in common- particularly the words of affirmation bit. That makes so much sense to me, and I’d never thought about it before! And I also agree with your last sentence- my husband and I have definitely learned some things from each other that help to add balance to our own strengths and weaknesses!
I love what you did with this! And I love that you see who you complement one another;) There are certainly days I wish my Hubs was more like me but then I realize that I’m probably as “right” as I think I am at the moment;). Awesome piece!
Vicky
I have a hard time admitting that my “rightness” may be subject to change at any moment! Thanks Vicky!
That was wonderful. I feel like I know him so much better now!
Thanks Julie- I appreciate hearing that!
Wow, you two sound like my wife and I with the roles reversed. My wife is the heavy metal fan and very much similar to everything you described about your husband. Is your husband an unbearable pain in the ass 5 days or so every month??
Oh, Don, you are so bad… Can’t wait to read your post- I’m sure it is filled with adoration and affection. ;D
You two are so very lucky to have found each other. But how could you not: polar opposites do attract! And yes, concessions are always a good thing. I do have one question: What the heck is a swamp cooler?
Ha! In Colorado, many homes don’t have central air. The swamp cooler is this giant thing that sits on our roof and sends cold air down a fan in our upstairs hallway. It basically circulates cool, moist air through the house. Like a giant humidifier that keeps things cold! Good question!
I loved this! I’m still crying! (Happy tears!) Yep, you pretty much nailed it. I would hate to be married to another me as well. I would kill her! And I guess it’s good that someone is on top of changing the oil. Thanks for the perspective!
Oh, thank you so much for that Teresa! That means a lot to me!
You did a great job fudging the prompt, Stephanie – you even got the sentence in there! I think couples who are different in many ways but the same in big, important ways often have the strongest marriages. I can identify with almost every bullet point you made about yourself – we seem very similar. We probably should not get married then. 😉
Thanks Dana! And yes, I suppose you’re right- we should definitely not get married! 😀
It sounds as though you complement each other very well, which is awesome.
I love that you touched on ‘love language’ – something I’ve only very recently learned about. It’s a useful thing to know about, and I WISH someone had told me sooner! Husby and I have very different love languages, and I think that’s been one of the things we’ve struggled with. It’s good to have a name to put to it.
Your level of mindfulness and understanding here is very impressive 🙂
Reading the 5 Love Languages book was huge for me- it is tremendously helpful. Glad you are finding some insights from that tool as well! And thanks for the lovely comment!
Totally feel exactly the same way about my hubby! We are so different in all the best ways, just like you said! 🙂 This is a GREAT post!!-Ashley
Thank you Ashley! Based on these comments, it seems that many of us are married to our opposites! This makes me feel much better!
I saw that picture of you daughter on FB. Too cute!! My husband and I are like you guys. We didn’t seem so opposite in the beginning. I think he faked me out with the music. Our biggest “issue” is temperature control. He pretty much wears a sweatshirt and beanie on his head 24/7/365 while I’m in shorts and bare feet. I don’t get many compliments either – hate that – but that’s who he is. And he also frown when I pay him a compliment. LOL!
Funny! My husband is always in shorts, and I’m the one wearing a sweatshirt inside in the summer! Go figure… 🙂
My husband and I are the same way! Exact opposites, but pretty complimentary. The things we do have in common (values, weird sense of humor) are strong enough that I rarely feel like we’re on different pages. Except, of course, that he doesn’t read…that one breaks my heart. 😉
And I loved seeing that pic on FB! Such a cutie in an AC/DC shirt was just the right level of irony…
Ack, mine doesn’t read either! That kills me…
And glad you liked the AC/DC pic! 😉
As always I thoroughly enjoyed your blog, what a gift! We were introduced to the personality types when Laurie was in Seattle for grad school and long distance dating her now hubby, Wes. She found they had great differences in personality and was pretty concerned but told him over the phone one evening that she thought they would still work as a couple if she just learned to appreciate his “p”ness. You can imagine how red her face was after that one and we still laugh about it years later. Steve and I are the flip of you two with the exception of his “p” , these two personalities in a marriage have made for some hard work but 36 yrs. into it I’d say we’ll probably make it 😉 I will miss seeing you but we’ll keep in touch!
Oh, Lisa, I will remember the “p-ness” comment forever! Thanks for a great laugh! The personality test and the 5 Love Languages book have been the most helpful tools for me in processing my husband’s and my differences. That insight and knowledge can be so beneficial!
And we will most *definitely* keep in touch!
Oh my gosh, this was great. I was laughing at the differences between you two – so funny! And yet you’re similar in the most important ways. And the last line with the photo…Classic. Loved it!
Well that figures, so not only am I you but we’ve also married the same man (the poking of the eyes as a preference to self-analysis sealed the deal). 😀 I love it so much when you let your witty come out! (that sounded awful). OK, so this is going to sound totally weird and maybe a little creepy especially in light of everything else I’ve already written here, but now I totally wish we lived somewhere close because I can just imagine our husbands hanging out too (at home with the kids, of course).
Love your spin on this! My husband and I are a a lot alike in our beliefs, ethics, etc. However, our personalities are very different. He is the extrovert; I am the introvert. He’s good with numbers, I’m good with words. He is the one who remembers history; I m the one who prepares for tomorrow. Like you said, it works. Sounds cheesy, but we really are like two pieces of a puzzle that, together, complete the picture. 🙂
Of all the things I’ve thought about changing about my husband, making him more like me was not one of them! LOL! I’m neurotic and crazy sometimes and I couldn’t deal if he were like that too! We are the same where it counts and the differences aren’t much… but it’s enough to keep me sane.
It’s clear that you guys compliment each other beautifully. I think that’s as important in a relationship than being similar. My husband and I are too similar sometimes, and it means that our mutual areas of weakness feel hopeless at times!
Our husbands can be BFFs and run around all day with the kids; you and I will curl up with our laptops and bang out some killer writing. Deal? 🙂
I really enjoyed the details in this list and felt I got to know the two of you more. I think my husband and I work for similar reasons. I often say we’re on different “committees.” Unfortunately, I seem to be on lice committee lately. (As is, the one who checks for it.) Ick. But he’s on all kinds of committees I have no interest in. So it works!
Oh yes Stephanie, you have hit the nail right on the head. My husband and I are complete polar opposites. And truly, if he weren’t the easy going, nothing matters kind of guy he would have left me years ago.
This is a great post, two of anyone would never work, but sometimes we forget 🙂
I’ve been reading through many of your posts and this one made me feel so much better. I’m a SAHM and when he gets home I’m all over the place telling him about my day and fees been at work all day, he just wants to shut his brain off. Lol! There is one way in which you and I differ though. My fiancee and I Looooooove video games and Buffy the vampire slayer, those are our two BIG common interests that drew us to each other. before me he’d never dated a girl that played video games, let alone one that could kick his ass at them or was way more into them than him. He thought it was hot. Lol I do love this post and you’re such a cute couple!