I am so excited to be joining the Around the World in Six Weeks Parenting Blog Carnival, along with Jessica of School of Smock, Sarah of Left Brain Buddha, Deb of Urban Moo Cow, and Lauren of Omnimom.
What can we learn from parents around the world and how they raise their children?
- What should we teach our kids about eating and food?
- Is too much self-esteem harmful to kids?
- Do American kids have too much academic pressure? Or not enough?
- How do we raise kids with good character?
- How do we raise independent kids and foster their self-control?
We’ll also be giving away a copy of Parenting Without Borders, signed by the author Christine Gross-Loh! Enter the giveaway by commenting on any of our Carnival posts during the next two weeks. We’ll announce the winner by July 15th!
Nutrition and Eating: How Does America Compare?
This week we are focusing on the complicated and potentially controversial topic of nutrition, eating habits, and feeding our families. I found myself nodding along at some of the very compelling points made in this chapter, and other paragraphs caused me to squirm, gasp, or shake my head in disbelief.
Here are some of the key points in this chapter of Parenting Without Borders, focusing mainly on the author’s observations/criticisms of American eating habits:
- Americans eat more packaged food than people from any other country- we frequently choose “convenience foods” to feed our children.
- Nearly 40% of the calories consumed by American children are empty calories- sugar and fat. A disturbing portion of those come from fast food and junk food.
- Many other countries frown upon the habit of snacking and grazing on the go. (Stroller snack compartments, anyone? Spill-proof toddler snack cups?)
- Other countries focus far more on being grateful for food and not rushing.
I was surprised at my overall reaction to this chapter; I wasn’t expecting to feel quite so chagrined when it came to the glaring discrepancies between America’s food traditions and rituals with those of other countries. I was prepared for the obvious (and notably disturbing) points about junk food, empty calories, and convenience food, but I was even more bothered by the points about snacking, rushing, and gratitude.
My husband and I try very hard to provide well-rounded nutrition to our family; we have always made it a priority to include whole grains, lean meats, chicken, and fish, and plenty of fruits and vegetables when preparing meals for ourselves and our children. I will admit that one of the things that causes me to put on my “Judgey Mom” hat is when I see children ingesting ridiculous amounts of sugar.
In our house, we don’t even serve our children juice regularly, let alone soda. Sure, we often indulge ourselves, and the kids, in “sweet treats” such as cookies or ice cream (or the chocolate chip pancakes I am so fond of making on the weekends) but we don’t integrate massive amounts of sugar into our diets. I must admit, I was buoyed by the fact that many other cultures embrace the concept of “treats” and some are far more open about allowing sweets, and even candy, for young children! (Those cultures are, in general, eating far more well-rounded diets.)
A life without ice cream? Perish the thought.
Am I Too Lazy About Nutrition and Eating Habits?
I am far from perfect. I will admit, I am even a bit hypocritical about food: I may scoff at the notion of offering my children Doritos on a regular basis, but I feel absolutely fine (read: superior) about allowing them to eat “Veggie Straws” nearly daily. I often succumb to my own variation of convenience food; while I agree that it is preferable for my toddler to eat my homemade steel-cut oatmeal with fruit for breakfast, I routinely choose the path of least resistance and allow her to eat a Nutri-Grain bar instead. It is clear to me that this choice is downright lazy, but I allow myself to be placated by the fact that, hey, at least the word “grain” and misleading prefix “nutri” are included!
My toddler has only recently made it onto her growth chart- from about 9 months on, she has failed to maintain her former weight gain curve. I am so obsessed with her gaining weight that I rationalize my food choices for her with, “At least she’s eating something!” (The notion of “picky eating” is apparently quite unique to America, by the way.) My children are both skinny, taking after their mother’s childhood “beanpole” body type; childhood obesity will likely never be a problem for them.
But there are other reasons to eat well than fear of obesity.
Once again, I was equally bothered by the “bad habits” of American eating as I was by the differences in nutrition quality. I cringed when I read the sections about snacking, grazing, and rushing through meals. Our family is so guilty of falling into that trap; our dinners often consist of me standing up while shoveling my food in over the counter, my six year old wolfing down her dinner so that she can dash off to join her friends again, and my toddler standing up in her booster seat until we finally give up and let her leave the table, with or without her food in hand. Sure, I could dismiss the idea that eating should be a sacred family ritual as something that works better in other cultures, but here’s the thing: Savoring meals together in a deliberate, conscious way makes sense.
We constantly allow our children to snack just to get them off our backs. Again, while we try to offer fruits, whole grain crackers, hummus, cheese, etc, much of the time, I frequently fall victim to the Whole Foods pseudo-healthy convenience food trap. (Annie’s, anyone?) Packaged food is still packaged food, even if it was made with organic wheat flour before it was processed.
We are also guilty of snacking “on the go”- in the car, while walking around, on stroller rides, at the zoo; this divided focus really conflicts with many of my beliefs about being present and eating mindfully. When our oldest daughter was three, my husband and I attended a Conscious Parenting class; not only did the teacher discourage snacking “on the go,” she also maintained that there was really no reason for our children to be drinking water or milk in the car. I must admit, we never did break that habit of bringing sippy cups in the car with us.
Snacking on the potty- Not. Cool.
How Do We Balance Making Good Eating Choices & the Reality of Our Busy Lives?
The syndrome of busy-ness many of us are afflicted with makes it even harder to find the time to prepare high quality, nutritious meals for our kids. It is so much easier to dump out a box of Mac-n-Cheese than it is to make something from scratch. This is compounded by the fact that of course our children prefer the Mac to our homemade broccoli casserole. And whose fault is that?
I feel like it is a very fine line to walk between the ideas of “Make food choices with integrity” and “Give yourself a break- you’re doing the best you can.” I am the first to admit- I don’t know where to draw this line. It’s all about balance, but let’s be real- How often do we all choose the path of least resistance when it comes to feeding our kids?
- “OK, fine. Have a granola bar.” I realize dinner is 30 minutes away and this will ruin your appetite, but please, for the love of God, leave Mommy alone in the kitchen!!!
- “Here, sweetie! Take this bowl of goldfish crackers and please stop screaming in the car!”
- “You need to sit down at the table when we’re eating…ok, on second thought, feel free to wander around the living room with this bowl of fruit and leave Mommy and Daddy alone!”
We eat fruit sometimes! (she announced defensively…)
Sound familiar? (Please say yes, or I will feel even worse about my eating choices!) While I agree that the “busy American lifestyle” does not make it possible/convenient/easy to savor hour-long meals at the table with our families, shop daily for fresh produce in order to cook homemade dinners, suffer through long car rides sans Veggie Straws, (you should seriously check those out. Costco, baby. Doh!) I admit that reading this book made me want to try a little harder.
It isn’t always necessary to completely overhaul your family’s food choices: (Unless you subscribe to the Fast Food Nation method- then you should totally hire a consultant or something) Sometimes it is enough to implement smaller degrees of change. Instead of swearing off all packaged food, I am going to try harder to offer fresh snacks like fruits and veggies to my children more frequently. (that whole no-snacking policy is waaay beyond me) Instead of ceasing all of our grazing-on-the-go habits, I am going to try to decrease them and help our children focus on one thing at a time. Instead of giving up and letting our toddler wander around the house with a fistful of waffle, I am going to try to impart the value of staying seated at the table with her family members.
Like I said-degrees of change. And as the wise and witty Norine of Science of Parenthood commented to me the other day- “Progress- not perfection.”
Don’t forget to check out the other bloggers in our Carnival this week:
Left Brain Buddha- Mindful Eating: We Are HOW We Eat
School of Smock- How We Teach Our Kids To Be Picky Eaters- And What To Do About It
Urban Moo Cow-Culture Eats Strategy For Breakfast
Omni Mom- Food, Glorious Food
I totally feel good about my parenting choices when I splurge the extra $1 for the box of Annie’s organic treats ~ forget the fact that “pb&j bars” have absolutely no resemblance to real food!
I’ve read all of our posts this morning, and I think we all agree it’s about balance. Some nights I have time to make quinoa and tilapia, other nights we eat pancakes and eggs for dinner.
I have been trying to be better about packaged snacks – pretzel and fruit crisps (also from Costco!) instead of Scooby Snacks and teddy grahams…
And the family dinner…. We usually enjoy about 5 minutes before the bickering, the “how many more bites?”, the jack-in-the-box in and out of their seats {my son only is interested in using the potty when it means leaving the dinner table.} But even 5 minutes of mindful eating is great!
And FYI , my children, as I type this, are eating nutella on toast for breakfast. But it’s whole grain toast. 🙂
I love your attitude, Sarah. And I rely heavily on Costco for “healthy” snacks that are convenient. And nutella on whole grain toast sounds pretty darn great to me!
This is a really interesting topic. Two of my three girls are super picky eaters and I have definitely fallen victim to the “At least they’re eating something” philosophy. We do pretty well with the family dinnertime, I think, but otherwise I know I have a long way to go. I like Norine’s philosophy of “Progress – not perfection.”
I will have to say also, that I traveled to Paris with my husband last year. It was my first time out of the USA and I did notice that, even thought we think of French food as indulgent, French people are not overweight. In fact, I saw a handful or less of “obese” people while we were there. Definitely made me wonder – How can they eat all this cheese, pastries, and wine but not have weight problems like Americans? Maybe it IS all that processed food and our snacking?!?!?
Thanks Lisa. I have wondered the same thing about Europeans, and it just goes to show that the “no-carb” diet is not the only way… I’m sure the processed food plays a large part. And lack of exercise maybe?
Steph, Such a heartfelt post! I can relate to all of this. It’s so easy to be tough on ourselves because Americans have such a weird and tortured relationship with food and because we know how important teaching good food habits is for our kids. But I too loved Norine’s advice. We’re never going to be perfect eaters… No one is, not even the French! Small steps! I’m going to try and get my son to eat a piece of fruit at least once a week…. 🙂
Thanks, friend! I am glad I am not the only one who struggles with this…
I’m not saying that Canada is perfect…far from it…but I do notice that when I cross the border into Michigan, your candy, cookies and chip have their own aisles. OWN.
My parents were terrible eaters and they still are and I led by their example on how NOT to raise your children. Our home is chalk full of fruits and veggies (and ice cream because it is dairy and that counts) and snacks…and you’re right..those snacks are so much easier to fork over when you’re in a hurry or don’t want to hear the whining 🙂
We can be the change for our children and we need to encourage good eating habits. Those foods are yummy too.
I really appreciate your Canadian perspective Kimberly, and I completely agree with you. The stuff that passes as “food” is really disturbing… OK, being climbed on by my toddler- thanks for stopping by!
We live in BC and one of the things we’re constantly observing is that fruits and vegetables are usually much cheaper than most packaged food, especially things like chips and candy. Yes, we do like those (and given that the dietician has told 8 months pregnant me that I have to be careful about my carb intake, I often find myself craving anything full of carbs lately), but it’s impressive how the food subsidies in the States sometimes make it harder to eat healthily. I used to live in Oregon, and I have to admit that sometimes I miss the “healthy” junk food that’s readily available at so many stores there, but it’s probably better for me that junk food here is taxed and fruits and vegetables are not.
YES. Another vote for taxing the hell out of unhealthy, processed food!
I agree with Deb- tax away on the junk food! It’s a sad commentary when high quality fruits and veggies are “too expensive” to buy…
So as you know, I think, I essentially “unfood”–let my children eat when they are hungry, which means on the go and 5 minutes before dinner is on the table–and so reading that you had a “teacher discourage snacking “on the go,” [and] she also maintained that there was really no reason for our children to be drinking water or milk in the car.” Does she never drink water or coffee in the car herself? Or grab a snack as she runs out the door?
Not quite what you were writing about, but when people impose rules on children–around food, behaviour, other things–they would never dream of imposing on themselves (your CP teacher–call her. Ask her if she drinks coffee in the car. I need to know)–I see red.
OK. Back to regularly scheduled programming…
I love hearing your perspective, Jane- both as an unschooler and a Canadian. And of course, as you! As for the CP class and the drinking in the car- that’s the thing- I can’t NOT drink water or coffee in the car! I snack on the go all the time. It’s hypocritical for me to expect my kids to adhere to a different standard.
One thing I really appreciated about that class was her suggestion (that we implemented very successfully) that we have a drawer full of healthy, easy snacks that our preschooler could help herself to at any time, as well as a shelf in the fridge with accessible snacks and even a pitcher of water and a cup. This fostered great independence and self-regulation in our daughter. But as for the drinking in the car- yeah. We’re going to do that forever.
Hey, great to see you back in the blogosphere, friend. Have been thinking about you a lot…
I totally agree about the different standards… and as you said, heal thyself first, right?
And yeah, what’s wrong with drinking water in the car? That’s silly as far as I’m concerned.
So interesting as I totally found myself nodding along as I read. Food is the source of bribery and punishment in our house all the time…shouldn’t be, but it is. Can’t tell you how many ICEE’s have been purchased at Target (they are the child-sized and I don’t fill them all the way up!!) so that I can shop in peace. Great post! Definitely want to read this book!-Ashley
I know- food works so well for bribery, and I am ashamed of how frequently I use it. But… it is SO effective!
We sometimes use food unconsciously as a distraction, as you’ve pointed out. I guess it’s the awareness of having to formulate alternative strategies.
Thanks Michelle! Awareness is a good first step!
Really great post, Steph and I’m totally with you. In fact, I’ll take convenience a step further and say that I’m proud to offer Annie’s Cheddar Bunny snacks in the car, along with a sippy cup of water. My son, too, was way too skinny for too long (he measured more than 100% in height and less than 20% weight on the charts a year ago – now he’s up to 75% weight which is, at least close enough to his off-the-charts height be a less scary gap). I am relieved that my son loves fruit but sad to say that he hates veggies. I give him veggie sticks too and feel like at least he’s getting them somehow.
I know- cheers to Annie’s! I’m glad he caught up on weight- I worry that Sophie never will. She was SUCH a chubby baby, and now… 🙁
Really thoughtful and honest post! We totally do all those things you mentioned, so know you’re not alone 🙂 My kids have to be gluten free so in some ways that helps – except when we buy all the replacement foods… I am into offering water in the cars though, what’s wrong with that? Except for frequent pit stops, ha!
Thank you Dana! I literally cannot fathom what added complications arise from having a gluten-free diet. I think it is so important that there are great gluten-free blogs like yours to be a guiding light for parents as they navigate that overwhelming territory… And yeah- I freak out when I don’t have my water in the car, so who am I to restrict my kids?
What a wonderful tone this piece has! That’s half the battle, isn’t it, being able to discuss food with a dose of self-deprecating humor. (I mean, you had me giggling with the veggie straws on the potty). This is one of the many arenas of child rearing where anxiety breeds anxiety and I do believe that taking things lightly (even if only in the way you express yourself) can help the kids do the same. On a more serious note, I can relate to a lot of what you describe, the substance and also the rationale. My kids beg for food a lot. With the older ones, I am better at staying firm. With the toddlers, there is a real element of a snack serving the purpose of getting them off of my back (especially with twins, though I won’t make excuses ;)). I imagine a lot of eating issues develop during the toddler years precisely because food and behavior are more intricately (and complexly) related at this time, which makes it harder for parents to separate the what from the how. At any rate, I like the idea of change by degree.
Thank you so much Lauren- I really appreciate your feedback! I loved your post as well. Also- I think having twins and two others qualifies you for making excuses! 😉 Great observations about toddlerhood and food/behavior- you are so right!
I’m digging this carnival! How does a girl get the invite?!!!!! And thank goodness I missed the food post. I just ate a cookie the size of my face.
If you want to join in, just say the word! Our next post is next Tuesday and it’s on Chapter (?) too lazy to get up. But it’s about: Is too much self-esteem harmful to kids? Email any of us and we’ll loop you in.
Yes! Do it, Steph, do it! We’d love your hilarious perspective- consider yourself invited!
Oh, and also, did I throw in an unauthorized “Steph?” Oops. You may not be a Steph. And also- I have the oven pre-heating for my cookies! 😉
HA! Steph is always authorized. My mom wanted to call me Stevie and I nixed that when I was two, so it’s always been Steph 🙂 I’m on board, ladies! Thanks for letting me play!
Steph, I really appreciate your honest, introspective post. (And I think that not being allowed to drink water in the car is adding random artificial rules.)
One of your best points was about the “fake-healthy” food craze we have going on here. We’ve said we want to eat healthier, but food companies can’t make money off apples. So they make “apple grahams” or whatever. Some other post comments elsewhere have mentioned the food-industrial complex and I think that is a big part of the equation that Gross-Loh doesn’t mention.
Thank you so much for that feedback, Deb. I find that I feel like such a hypocrite sometimes- my double standards about food are hard to reconcile. This has been a great carnival today- everyone’s posts have been so thought-provoking!
Wow, this is really cool. GREAT ARTICLE!!! I was a Pop-Tart mom until about two years ago (you would have never known that my degree was in Nutrition – absolutely pathetic). Then I read those Fast Food Nation-type books. My BFF’s husband is a Paleo die-hard, so he was always trying to get me to change my diet. I changed it for about a year then kind of fell off the wagon. But I made life changes, so I still do all my shopping at Trader Joe’s and I make almost everything from scratch, but we indulge in ClifBars and PB-filled pretzels and I indulge nightly in about 6 pieces of homemade salted coconut chocolate bark (oink). I was trying to do no sugar before. I just couldn’t keep it up. But I use more natural sugars like honey and maple syrup. My biggest change was dropping sodas. I only have those on occasion now – now it’s like a splurge for me – that was huge. I wrote a post of my 10 favorite all-natural recipes. It’s my most popular post on Pinterest. Thankfully, I was able to find a number of quick all-natural dinner recipes that I tend to rotate through depending on the season. We all eat dinner together, but the other meals are lame – I’m usually up walking around while they’re eating b-fast/lunch. Great post! I look forward to reading the others.
OK- please promise me you’ll make that homemade bark when I visit you- pretty please??? I can’t stop thinking about it! I always forget about your background- thanks for sharing your thoughts here! I too only indulge in soda on occasion, and when I do… bliss! A cold can of Coke from the fridge… yum!
Oh Stephanie, you are so right. I get into these conversations with a girlfriend I have. I made the mistake of explaining to her why organic was so important 8 years ago, and now she’s a fanatic. I try my best, but she cannot give herself a break. I keep saying to her “You can only do what you can do.” That’s what I get from this post. Do your best, but don’t beat yourself up. We try really hard to have family meals, I grew up having them 7 days a week, I want that for my family. But my husband works 4 nights a week and having dinner just me and the boy at the table has been kind of odd. We spend all day together, so I have realized that by arbitrarily saying we must sit down to dinner together, when we sit together for so many other things, was not doing us any favors. I took the pressure off, and we actually are eating together more. No pressure = easier. Thanks for this great post!
Thank you so much for that Jen! I really value hearing your perspective- it sounds like a healthy one, to me!
I just thought of something reading your post. You are conscious of the struggle which is great. I taught kids who lived in food deserts so to speak, where there were no close grocery stores. The nearest food sources by foot were McDonald’s and gas station food marts. Not joking- I saw kids eat hot Cheetos chocolate milk and beef jerky for lunch again and again. There is a huge range here and I’m guessing this study took that in. I need to get this book!
Thanks for that Jean… I appreciate it. And yes, the extreme side of the spectrum is really sad.
Oh, Stephanie. You’ve got my number on this one. Feeding my family is SUCH a hard thing for me to master. My husband is rarely home for dinner so I’ve convinced myself that a homecooked meal isn’t necessary for a 3 yo and a 1 yo. I’m on a crazy Weight Watchers diet and I’m not going to eat anything the kids will actually eat, so we end up with dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets in front of the TV most nights of the week. I do get the organic nuggets infused with DHA, but I feel guilty about the habits I’m instilling in my little ones. I’m super crazy about the amount of sugar and fast food my kids get because I never want them to agonize over their weight like I’ve had to for 10 years. My mom said she raised me on fast food and I’m now paying the price for that as I fight every last calorie that wants to attach itself to my hips. So, my kids get water and some milk – very little juice. They get limited TV time and very few cookies, etc. Their dessert is usually a fruit popsicle and their snacks are often carrot sticks or fiber granola bars. So, here I am justifying myself on your comment section. Ha! This topic is obviously very timely and needed in America. I have lived out of the country and have lots of foreign friends. So I completely understand America’s unhealthy relationship with food. This is a wonderful post that explores a very important topic. And by the way…those Veggie Straws are like crack for my kids, too.
The eating on the run thing is so prevalent in our house. In fact, when we all sit down and eat together, my daughter will often smile and say “mama, papa, Claire, eating together.” It’s clear how much it means to her. We try to do it more often, but it’s one of those things that is not a habit, so we have to think about it. It is just not an organic part of our day. Great post!