The hardest part of my day is often immediately followed by one of my favorite parts of the day. Sound  like a strange juxtaposition? Welcome to motherhood. It is the biggest mixed bag of them all, filled with kisses, screaming, snuggles, whining, heart-bursting-aching-love, messes, and poop.
I detest bedtime- I’m quite certain I’m not alone on that one. In fact, the last few hours of the day can be rough; I have previously referred to the time of the day that begins with dinner preparation and ends with the shitshow that is bedtime as both Crappy Hour and The Witching Hour. Not pleasant. But as soon as the last inane request has been granted, the last glass of water filled, bedtime ponytail completed, blanket tucked, and final muttered curse on the way up the stairs yet again uttered, there is quiet. It is beautiful.
This is the time of day when parents unwind, reflecting on their triumphs and public humiliations, and get to just be again. Be humans. Be themselves. Be a married couple, perhaps, or be alone. Sometimes it only takes me ten minutes before I reflect fondly on our day, crazy and messy though it may have been, and even look forward to seeing my kids again the next morning. Every once in awhile, I almost miss them once they are asleep. Insane, right?
Another rough part of my day is waking up in the morning. Even though my youngest is sleeping through the night, I find myself craving just a few. more. minutes. of sleep. Nearly every day I wake up bleary eyed and in a stupor, often disoriented from a dream I had about a fellow blogger doing a headstand on the Today show, being chased by a duck-billed platypus, and comforting an exhausted Justin Bieber. (Yes, that is a real dream I just had. All of those baffling occurrences were part of one dream.)
I stumble down the stairs, my joints aching as though I am a septogenarian, my head spinning as though I may be drunk or hungover or both, and my feet almost missing the steps. One of these days I am going to fall down the stairs, I am certain. I fill my toddler’s largest sippy cup with milk, climb back upstairs, retrieve her from her crib, along with Moose, Night-night Bunny, and Fat Cat (because every frickin’ last one of those suckers must accompany Her Royal Highness wherever she goes) and plop back into bed.
Now here is where one of my other daily favorite moments begins: my toddler reclines against me after I sink back into the pillows, often closing my eyes for a few more minutes of disjointed sleep. When she has finished her milk, she thrusts her cup into my hand, announcing, “Ah done!” and then rolls over against me, tummy to tummy. As she snuggles against me, warm against my body, I feel my heart swell. I adore this daily ritual.
Generally her big sister stumbles into the room shortly thereafter and joins us in bed. Sometimes this just amplifies the love-fest, but lately they have begun to compete over my affections, as my husband has already left for work for the morning and is not available for cuddling. My six year old will try to worm her way into my grasp, and I will put an arm around her and kiss her head. This seems to anger my toddler, who just the other day pushed her sister away, tightened her grasp around my waist and shouted, “My job!” (If you are a Montessorian, you may recognize this toddler declaration of “jobs”.) But I digress.
This sleepy snuggling time, prior to the Morning Scramble (I have written frequently about how much I abhor this part of my day, hence I will not focus on mornings being the hardest part of my day in this post. Though they are chaotic, magnify my maternal ineptitude, and frequently cause me to swear. Again, I digress.) is a haven in our busy day. It 20-30 minutes when we get to be together and be still, though oddly sandwiched between the early morning stumble down the stairs and the rat race to get out the door on time.
Earlier this week I speculated on whether people without kids are happier than parents. It was an interesting discussion (read the comments- they’re great!) and caused me to reflect even more on the highs and lows of motherhood, and how they relate to the overall package of “happiness”. Â I honestly find it impossible to separate the good from the bad in parenthood. The fact is, they are infuriatingly woven together, making it impossible sometimes to identify a “good” day from a “bad” day. My best and worst parts of the day are just one more example of how we will always live our lives this way, taking the good with the bad.
Welcome Back to Finish the Sentence Friday!
Your hosts:
Me from Mommy, for Real
Janine from Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kate from Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?
Dawn from Dawn’s Disaster
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Next week’s sentence is: “If I could have dinner with anyone in history, it would be with…” FYI- I am going to be on vacation next week, and though you can still link up here at Mommy, for Real, I will be somewhat incommunicado. Thus, the lovely Katia of IAMTHEMILK will be a guest host, so as not to neglect you fantastic FTSF participants!
The mornings, oh my god, yes can so agree on that. And yes, right before bedtime with little ones can be hard, too quite frankly. I think you said it perfectly and couldn’t agree more!!
Mornings. Will I ever NOT hate them?
Love it! Especially your description of snuggle time. Um, “My Job”!??! That could be the most adorable thing a child not related to me has ever said:)
I know, right?! Despite the fact that it was totally rude to her sister, it made me laugh.
You are so right about the good and the bad being woven together — I never thought of it that way, but it’s absolutely accurate. And just so you know, the morning rush and the nighttime bed stuff gets infinitely better as your kids get older. With 2 teens and a 9-year old, my mornings are pretty stress-free except for the occasional issue of not being able to find something or rousing someone out of bed. Night time is also SO much easier. They do stay up too late sometimes, but then I just go to bed before them! 🙂
Emily, just so you know, I cling to your words like a liferaft! I always love hearing your perspective…
I can relate. While my girls are now older and much easier, I still look forward to the end of the day sometimes, yet I often miss them once they are asleep. It must be “mother nature’s” way of making sure that us mothers stick around to do it all again the next day 🙂
I think you are exactly right- kind of like how we conveniently forget the pain of childbirth! So glad to see you are a Bloppy now! 😉
Yep! The good with the bad. So true. That dream is crazy-hilarious! I want your dreams! I laughed out loud at that. And at all the stuffed animals Her Royal Highness has to bring with her. That competition is rough. My sons used to do that when they were younger – now they just want to turn on the TV. I used to sit in the kitchen when they would come down. I’d give them each a leg, but they’d be fighting within three minutes. It sucked. I was always glad when they didn’t wake up at the same time. 🙂
Yeah, it was a crazy dream- just minutes before I woke up, or maybe seconds, so I remembered it very vividly. I know, it is sometimes good when they don’t wake up at the same time… hard to give everyone their one-on-one, huh? Probably even harder with three… I admit, I am relieved when my oldest wants to turn on the TV in the morning. #badmommy
“My job!” Oh, love, love, love.
I know- too cute, right?
WOW…OMG woman, so well written. I agree with you, motherhood has so many positives with a bag of annoyances. You can’t say it’s all wonderful all the time. You accept the hard times for the joy of being a mother. LOVE IT…
I hear you, some nights Dino goes to bed and I don’t hear from him till he wakes up. Other times I will get calls about ten times before I threatened to call “Officer Joe” and tell him that Dino doesn’t want to sleep and needs to hang out at the station. Yes, I am going to hell, LOL.
Thank you so much! Yes to the bag of annoyances… And that “Officer Joe” trick cracked me up!
Yup– you nailed it. The last few hours of the day are the hardest. The morning is hard too, but not as bad, in my opinion, because the kids are cheerier at that time even if I’m not.
Thanks Nina! I was so excited to read your LTYM essay today- woo-hoo! And mornings are definitely less pleasant if the kids are grumpy too! Luckily, as you said, they are generally chipper in the morning!
There’s nothing like snuggling belly to belly. Unfortunately, my wife and I can do that without trying as the years have added a few pounds! lol Really a tender time for you and your kids. Enjoy it while you can as they grow quickly.
That cracked me up, Rich! So happy to see you back, and can’t wait to read your post!
I love your morning ritual with your toddler ~ what a sweet way to wake up! I am going to have to start using the phrase Crappy Hour…. Clearly Happy Hour is for the childless! I totally agree with you about the toughest part of the day leading to a great time of the day ~ a quiet house and time for mom to read, relax. In fact, one of my “mantras” I repeat to my husband when were stressed out about bedtime is “In ten more minutes the house will be quiet” to get us through the bedtime dramarama. Great post and I’m excited I’m joining my first FTSF!!
I loved your post today Sarah! So glad you linked up- we were on the same page with our topics! I love your evening mantra- I will start using it!
I’m a morning person so I can deal. Got that. And bed time.
But what I hate.
Loathe.
Bath time.
I hate it with a passion.
I’m not sure why.
But I’ll trade you your Morning Scramble with my Bubble Butts
Yes! Bath time- that’s not always my favorite either- I try to pawn it off on my husband as much as possible…;)
It’s something about looking at them after they are sleep that makes you all mushy doesn’t it? I’m a morning person so if I can get away with it, I’ll go to bed shortly after my son does. This annoys the hubs so I usually have to make a sacrifice. The picture of you unwrapping the gift is the enthused look I have about staying up on purpose.
Ha! So funny Kenya! And I am envious you are a morning person- but I have been experimenting with getting up before the kids and I actually kind of love it!
This is such a sweet post. You are so right that sometimes the hardest parts of our day are followed by the sweetest. And I swear there is nothing better than when they just want to snuggle. Now if they could snuggle without having their elbows in our noses that would be a little more comfortable!
Seriously- the elbows! I used to refer to Sophie has the Elbow Spider when she used to co-sleep. Nothing like the snuggles though… 🙂
two words:
‘ayiieee’
interesting, though.
Not simply because, in your Post, the day divides itself into segments of hard and harder (and perhaps…not-bad), but interesting in the idea of the different emotional contexts for the different parts.
Someone else, on one of the more recent FTSF’s, spoke of how she become multiplied, or split or ‘added to’ or something like that with her first child.
… your Post today gives a very clear image/example of how you (motherthings*) are so altered by the fact of having the children.
* aka as the women-with-children
Yes- it was Katia- and her post was stunning! Thanks Clark!
I am so glad to have found your blog in recent weeks through HV & FTSF because I love your writing! I love the way you pointed out that the good and the bad are interwoven. It is the good stuff that make s the bad stuff more bearable, isn’t it?!
I’m glad we found each other too! It’s been great having you join FTSF, and thanks for the lovely comment!
I love reading your posts. Besides the fact that I identify so much with you, you often find ways of putting into words stuff that circulates my mind as this vague mushy notion without me being able to properly formulate it. This was one of those times. So true that the good and bad are completely interwoven and inseparable and you describe the agony of bedtime followed so closely by “oh, I actually miss them” so accurately. Love the writing, love you.
I feel the exact same way about you! xo
You nailed it. You so perfectly described exactly what motherhood feels like. Each day. I adore this post!-Ashley
Thank you so much Ashely, and I appreciate you sharing this one too! xo
Hey! That dream was about ME! I’m (sortof kindof) in your blog post! Yay for awesome dreams that have ME in them. Oh. Um. Right. Mornings suck. My husband is one of those weirdos who gets up and can like talk and stuff right away. I am only able to communicate in grunts for the first 30 minutes of my day, no matter what time it is. I love the snuggle time you described! And you’re so right – the good with the bad. Also I am so relieved to read that I’m not alone in so looking forward to the final “goodnight” and then missing my kid a little after he’s asleep. Parenting is weird. Cheers to another awesome post, friend!
Um… if the dream thing was a secret, feel free to delete my comment, notify me and I’ll re-comment.
No secrets- I’m proud to have the world know that I dream about you. Yep, that’s right, I said it. And yes, parenting is beyond weird.
No doubt when you have young kids getting them ready for and in bed is tough. You are so exhausted by that time of the day. I remember I could hardly read to them. I started reading earlier in the day because I was hopeless trying to do it when I was so tired.
I know this will all change someday… and while I will be grateful to not have to hop out of bed with needy early risers, I will totally miss the snuggling!
Actually, I would have to agree on this one! I think the last hours of the day can really be rough. Thanks for sharing, Stephanie!
Thanks Michelle!
This is wonderful, as always, Steph. I’m so jealous that your toddler will snuggle like this at all! I could not even imagine my son doing this in a million years. That sounds like a wonderful moment of closeness, even though I can appreciate the fact that we all just want to sleep a few moments more!
Yes, I adore the snuggling, and a few weeks ago when she was all about Daddy, she refused to snuggle with me, and I was so sad! I hope she doesn’t outgrow this for a long, long time…
I’ve come to live with this concept of good and bad, happy and hard, all woven together. It’s maddening, but it’s life I guess. This was a great post!
Thanks Julie!
I used to love that snuggle time! I still get it every once in a while, and it is the best part of my day. Have a great vacation, Stephanie!
Thanks Dana- glad to hear there is still hope for long-term snuggling!
Your snugglefest sounds awesome 🙂 I understand the simultaneous irritation though – having Niece and Neff wanting to sit on my lap both at once can end in tears!
Oh, I remember bedtimes when my son was younger. Those were some really hard times. And mornings are never great! Oh, the trials of life!
You had me at juxtaposition.
I love the image of you and your toddler tummy to tummy in snuggles. That’s the BEST!!!
Hi, what a lovely post! I really enjoyed it, so well written, and I had to laugh at your comment on septogenarian, I AM just that! So now you know how it feels! That’s my greatest difficulty, trying to keep my physical self on a par with my mental self. My mental self is always way ahead, but the other! Not so good. So see you soon!
I have been on vacation for 2 weeks and did my best not to check in for as much of it as possible, and I have to admit I missed your blog. There is something about the stuff you write about that makes me sit here and nod and laugh and cry all at the same time, if that makes any sense.
The dinner hour is my least favorite time of day. My husband doesn’t get home until 7:30/8:00, so I’m left cooking 2 meals (I have a picky eater) while my 2-year-old hangs onto my legs, yells at me to read to her, and/or throws peg puzzle pieces all over the kitchen floor. I am in a state almost every night when my husband gets home. But then I curl up on the couch with my little girl for her pre-bed milk, and then I put her in bed, and it all melts away.
Until 5:15 am when the alarm goes off for me to go to the gym and I think, “why didn’t I got to bed as soon as I put her in her crib?!”
🙂
Oh girl I feel ya. The confusing and contraditory pieces of the motherhood puzzle can be so much to handle. It’s funny that you mention the two times of the day I struggle with most. For me, my oldes is up at 7:00 a.m. every morning. I know this isn’t early by any means but I am a night owl. So by this time I’ve only been asleep about 6 hours. I know I have to get up soon but I don’t usually get the chance by the time he comes in. Now understand this, this kid is not a cuddler. At all. So when he comes in to my room, leans into me and says, “Mommy” I should horde those moments. The problem, however, is that I’m often in a dead sleep until I hear those words. I’m either startled to the point of peeing upon his entrace or I’m so out of it he meerly gets an awkward pat on the back and his mother speaking in tongues as she tries to mumble a greeting. And in seconds I’ve missed my only window of love opportunity for the day… Until he has to say goodnight 3 times to avoid bedtime;)
Kids, i tell ya!
Vicky