A few weeks ago, out of the blue, I had the idea to make a list of moments in my life I’d like to go back and experience again. I guess that is in keeping with my penchant for waxing nostalgic; I have written frequently about how much I enjoy reminiscing about life events spanning childhood through five minutes ago. Perhaps I was born a memoirist- I have found that preserving and documenting memories, and later pulling them out on a whim, is one of my favorite things to do.
Ever since I was struck by this epic inspiration, I have been mulling over which memories would make the “Do-Over List.” Some of these moments were obvious: my wedding day, the moment I met my daughters for the first time, (preferably ten seconds after pushing them out of my body- the preceding hours I could do without.) my husband’s proposal,  and others were more subtle, and would likely not mean anything to anyone other than me. But I noticed a common thread- the experiences I wished I could relive were all moments in which I felt thrillingly, unmistakably alive.Â
Several of them, like the more traditional moments listed above, had a lifelong impact on me, and were clear turning points in my life. Others were nothing more than a night of intense laughter, or reckless hedonism, or indulgent frivolity. But I return to those memories because, for whatever reason, in that instant they filled me to the brim with vibrancy.
- A night of talking all night with my college roommate, taking turns reading our writing aloud to each other.Â
- Stumbling upon a restaurant with an incredible backyard, filled with outdoor toys and a live bluegrass band- dancing with my preschooler while sipping a lavender-infused vodka lemonade. (yum!)
- The first vacation I can remember being old enough to wander freely around the lake resort with my cousins- high on the experience of exploring with freedom.
- Sunbathing in the backyard of my childhood home with my mom, listening to the Indigo Girls and spraying lemon juice in my mousy brown hair.
Suspending reality for the purpose of speculation, should I be granted my cerebral vacation and allowed to re-experience the events on my “Do-Over List,” I would want to recapture them exactly as they occurred. I would preserve the authenticity of my memory and change nothing. Perhaps it should be called a “Do-Again List” instead.
If I could go back and do something over, I would simply do it again– I wouldn’t do anything differently.Â
I would highly recommend, just as a fun exercise, that everyone make a “Do-Again List”- the caveat is that you choose moments you’d like to re-live, but not situations you wish you had done differently.
- Your first kiss (or at least the first one that didn’t completely suck)
- A favorite family vacation
- A surprise party your friends threw for you
- A concert or play you were in, in which the audience was blown away; or for those who are less athletically disgraceful- a winning play… or something that sounds more sports-y.
What moments shaped you? Which memories do you ache to experience just one more time? And why would you want to go back there?
This brings me to a question I ask myself frequently- Why exactly do I find it so fulfilling and enjoyable to get lost in my memories? Some of them happened many years ago, but I find just as much satisfaction from perusing a photo album from a year or two ago and gushing over how much my children had grown, and how edible/brilliant/gorgeous/breathtaking they were at that stage.
Does that mean that I have a hard time staying in the moment? Do most parents have a hard time staying in the moment, and if so, why is that? I find it equally tempting to list the moments that I am looking forward to- the next vacation, holiday, date night, visit from my parents…
I think for me, a vague sense of underlying anxiety permeates my life as a parent- Am I doing this right?  It often feels that there is so much at stake in all of our daily choices- and at times, there is. When I look back at photos of my wedding day, or even my natural labor and childbirth, I have the luxury of knowing that it all turned out OK. In each of those scenarios, the sense of “aliveness” was pulsating in every second. It was thrilling to be there, participating in events that would alter me forever.
But when I look back at these memories, I have the benefit of knowing “how they end.” Think about it- have you ever enjoyed watching a movie for the second time, because you knew you could relax a little bit, not having to sit on the edge of your seat and bite your nails? You can still savor the action/plot twists/hot actors, but you don’t have the stress of wondering whether everybody dies at the end.
I think that’s why it is so rewarding for me to reflect on past experiences with my children; the pressure is off for me to not f*ck it up. This makes me worry a little- am I cheating myself out of the opportunity to be truly present with my kids in the moment, because I am preoccupied with how the story ends?
So I’ve invented a little exercise to help remind me to stay present when I am on an adventure with my family- be it at the grocery store or on a Disney Cruise (sigh!) Sometimes I have a hard time moving beyond the chaos, or overcoming the frustration that this “epic family memory” isn’t going as planned thanks to somebody’s meltdown or bathroom emergency. The next time I am in the moment, actually making memories, I am going to pretend that I know how the story ends- peacefully, smoothly, and happily. Perhaps if I tell myself, “This is all going to turn out all right,” it will take the pressure off and allow me to savor the moment more thoroughly.
The public dining experience- “It will all turn out okay…”
If I were a teacher, here is the homework I would give you:
- Make your own “Do-Again” list and try to figure out which moments you’d like to revisit and why.Â
- Try to transcend your daily stresses by pretending you have already “seen the movie” and you know how this episode of “Going Hiking With My Kids” ends- beautifully.
On an exciting note, one moment that definitely made my list was my Listen To Your Mother Denver experience… and the You Tube Channel is now live! You can check out my video here: (she suggested nervously)
Welcome Back to Finish the Sentence Friday!
Your hosts:
Me from Mommy, for Real
Janine from Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kate from Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?
Dawn from Dawn’s Disaster
- Follow Your Hosts, If You Like, and Anyone Else You Find On the List!
- Make Sure to Read and Comment on at Least Two Other Posts.
- Share Your Favorites on Facebook and/or Twitter Using the Hashtag #FTSF.
- Link Up Your Posts Below with This Week’s Sentence Prompt.
- Hop around and have fun!
-
Next week’s sentence is: “In church (or insert preferred place of worship…etc) I learned to…”
wipes tears away…I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to change either, I wanted to relive some moments again…I didn’t think of going back to my childhood either…that was quite touching.
I think that is a great strategy to have, I know how the story ends. I try to stay positive at all times, it’s hard though. Each moment has a lesson and a memory and what can I get from it.
Aw, thanks Karen! I loved your post, too!
What a great post – and so much “fodder” for thought. I’ll have to read and re-read it to soak it all in. But I have already started creating “my list” in my head. Perhaps I’ll write it down.
Oh, forgot one thing. I hadn’t seen the picture of Shawn with the girls. It goes down as almost my favorite picture ever.
Isn’t it great???
I love the way you put this and between you and Karen you have me going down memory lane tonight and in tears (PMSing by the way!!). But seriously, congrats on your video going live on Youtube and truly amazing. So proud of you!! 🙂
Ha! Your PMS always cracks me up… in a good, empathetic way, that is! 🙂 And thanks so much Janine! I really appreciate it!
Your posts make me think, Stephanie. I’m going to complete your assignment and make my Do-Again list, and try to destress by assuming I know the ending. I love your take on this FTSF!
I’ve read the post you presented in Denver, but I still enjoyed watching you read it aloud. It must have been fabulous to have the audience laugh when they were supposed to – we don’t get that immediate feedback in our blogs.
Thank you so much, Dana! I loved the Do-Again list- so fun! And yes, doing the reading live was very rewarding- thank God for the laughers- -the loudest one was my brother! 😀
Okay, seriously, read my post for FTSF and tell me the similarities aren’t creepy, even though we answered the question very differently. I love your idea of thinking of the moments we would re-live simply to re-enjoy them, and perhaps enjoy them even more because we know it all turned out okay…. Certainly I would like to re-live my children being born… I made sure to write their birth stories right away so I would remember, but then we get into that crazy territory of wondering how much of it actually happened and how much is the crazy mutation of memory in our brain. I love your suggestion about imagining the happy ending as a way to be in the present moment. Most of the things we worry and stress over never even come to pass… Great post! 🙂
That is crazy, Sarah! You and I are often synced! You were smart to record their birth stories immediately- I did not and often wonder how my hazy memory has changed things!
Well, so far, it looks like we’re all in the same boat about not changing anything. The truth of the matter is that the older one gets, the more they compare the present with the past. It’s bound to happen as our pleasantries of the past seem to draw us away from the trials of the present. I wish I could have heard your video (my audio is currently screwed up). Great post!
Thanks Rich, and thanks for trying to watch the video! I always appreciate your perspective, and I enjoyed your post today, too!
I like your take on revisiting some of your past moments. I wouldn’t like to redo anything of any real importance. I kept thinking if I redid something it would change other important things that I wouldn’t give up for anything.
Thanks Betty, and I totally agree!
You bring up a really good point about seeing the movie again and being able to relax through it. For that reason I would like to live over the last four years that I didn’t know I wouldn’t have a job outside of the home. Especially the year my husband was deployed. Though we did the best we could (me being a single mom for a period) there was always the nagging of, “I’m unemployed” and “I’m looking for a job”. If I had known then that it wasn’t going to happen, I feel like I could have used that energy to be better mom than I was. One of the most rewarding compliments I received during that period was receiving a note from Christopher’s kindergarten teacher thanking me for teaching Christopher outside of the classroom, she could tell. I’m going to try your assignment.
Wow, Kenya, thanks for sharing. It is so hard to have perspective until we are gifted with hindsight. I’m not sure it’s truly possible for me to turn off that “worry” voice. Have fun with the assignment! 😉
Sigh. My do-it-again list. This is a tender subject for me. There are lots of things I’d want to do again. There are LOTS of things I’d never want to do again. And, there are lots of things I never did that I WOULD want to do.
It was a great post Stephanie. You are such a fantastic writer!
Thank you so much for that, Julie, you know it means a lot to me! And yeah… this can be a loaded subject.
Congrats on wanting to do it all again- I don’t know how many people can say the same- but I hope more than less!
I hope so too! Thanks Kate!
Great post, Stephanie! When I read the FTSF prompt, I actually wondered “Is it things we want to do over differently or things we enjoyed so much we want to do them again?” I love your take on it and the idea of making a do-it-again list!
Thanks Lisa- it looks like it was a pretty even split between doing differently and not changing anything! These posts have been fun to read!
Just so you know… I’m going to do this. I LOVE it!
Do it! Enjoy! And thanks for stopping by!
“…Suspending reality for the purpose of speculation”
ah ha! invitation *so* accepted.
I laugh about the reality thing, but as I read from your Post, there are things in our lives that, when we look back (with a special *attention*) stand out in ways that we don’t always notice.
Very cool, your observation that the ‘significant’ times and events and moments in our lives are the times when we are ‘more alive’. I totally agree.
Your perceptiveness (in the Post above) returns more than you would think, for those of us inclined to follow the er..less travelled paths.
We spoke (over at the Doctrine) about how our realities can be looked at as the (current) sum of a progression of decisions. The difficulty with this view is knowing where we draw the line of significant decisions versus non-significant ones.
Your insight, (about the more alive time), says to me, *those* are the significant decisions (among the zillions of decisions that are inherent in this view).
Nice work, S.
Another winner of a comment, Clark! You have rendered me speechless! Thanks!
I’m sneaking in some time from the office, so I can’t watch the video right now, but I’m definitely with you when it comes to preserving and documenting memories and pulling them out on occasion for review. The odd thing about me is that I also get random flashes of memory sporadically. I can be on the phone, driving, typing away on the computer, and suddenly I get a flash of something I did at summer camp as a kid, or being on a job interview in my 20s. It’s always completely unconnected to whatever I’m doing at the time and something I had completely forgotten about. I have no idea why that happens to me so often, but I kinda like it. 🙂
NO WAY, Chris!!! That happens to me ALL the time! I thought maybe I was crazy or something… 😉 I’m so glad someone else put it into words so nicely- that is fantastic!
I totally and completely LOVE your take on this. The DO AGAIN instead of the DO OVER. I can think of some things I’d do over, but you know…I’d rather think of all of the things I’d just love to do again. That gives me just a warm feeling inside thinking of it. 🙂
(and I LOVE the idea of pretending to know it all works out in the end when I’m in the middle of making a memory)
I love this post! –Lisa
Oh, Lisa, thank you so much! It gave me a warm feeling, too… 🙂
I read this earlier from my phone and must say that I loved it even more the second time around. Great way to spin this week’s sentence, friend! There are a lot of moment like that that I’d like to relive as well. Laughing for hours with friends is high on the list, as are the first moments in the hospital, holding my newborn son, wondering if it was possible that I really did something so perfectly right.
Congratulations again on LTYM. You are brilliant and lovely and I’m proud that you consider me a friend.
Aw, shucks. And thanks. And I’m proud that YOU consider ME to be a friend. And double thanks for all your support and enthusiasm of the LTYM thing. I was equal parts excited and nervous about sharing it. xo
You and I are so alike it kind of freaks me out. Like you, I daydream about the past all. the. time. I love nothing more than going for a walk at night with my iPod, and I always find myself remembering the good things. I play them over and over and over again. One year I even bought my mum 3 of the albums we listened to in her car when we were kids, and wrote her a 1-page memory from each of them. She couldn’t believe the stuff I remembered.
I would never want to go back and change anything. Not even the crappiest things. Because if I did, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
But you better believe I would re-do things. Our engagement. Our wedding day. The birth of my daughter when I screamed “WHY ISN’T HER RIGHT EYE OPEN?!” and the nurse finally yelled, “WE HAVE A RIGHT EYE!!!” All of that stuff makes…US.
Thanks so much for the post. This warmed my heart. I am keeping my browser open so I can watch the video when I am not distracted. I have been WAITING for this for so long and I cannot want to see it!!!!
xo
Someday, my friend… someday we will meet in person. I love our spooky similarities. 🙂 And OMG, the right eye thing! What a fantastic birth memory! I hope the LTYM video does not disappoint! xo
Oh my gosh, I read this this morning while on the treadmill, but couldn’t watch the video. How COOL to be able to hear people laugh at your punchlines!!! That is so cool! I loved hearing this and seeing your read your piece. I love it! Now, I can’t remember what my comment was going to be from this morning. Crap.
I knew you would appreciate the punchline reactions- YES, it is a total rush. Did you like the guy with the distinctive laugh? That’s my brother. 🙂
So I cheated-I actually had a similar prompt for Secret Subject Swap this week so I shared that. I also did Do-Overs a while back for Theme Thursday, so I linked it up as well. Cheater, cheater, chocolate eater… 😉
Such a philosophical post! Great job with this prompt. You reminded me of honey-infused vodka from Firebird in NYC!
What a great exercise. I think I’d be struck by how many of the moments I really want to live again were small, ordinary, unremarkable as I lived them. xoxo
I wholeheartedly agree! Thanks for stopping by!