Have you seen the “New Face of Motherhood?” According to a recent article on Elite Daily, “The New Face of Motherhood: Young, Cool Moms Who Are Totally Killing It,” Millennial moms have a lot of fantastic (universal!) qualities. You should go check it out. I’ll wait. It is sort of hard to tell if the article is for real or if it’s satire. I’m holding out hope that the whole thing is a joke.

There were a lot of gorgeous photos of moms with really pretty hair wearing amazing outfits next to their adorably-clad offspring. They made their own organic food. They took their kids to freaking Coachella. They had a blast at Home Depot! Their kids are technological wizards and they are crafty as hell. And they super-love hanging out with their mini-me BFFs. So of course, I decided I better attempt to capture the essence of my own face of motherhood. Here’s how slightly cool, perhaps a bit lazy, Gen X moms are totally killing it.Β Or, um, at least this one.

We started out like this.

And now we look like this.

OK, we actually mostly look like this.

Our kids act like asshats sometimes.

There was that unfortunate year when the little one said bad words a lot.

We let our kids mess up the Tupperware cabinet because we’ve lost the will to live.

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We pack too much crap in our minivan for weekend road trips.

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And after a few days of traveling, the car looks like this:


This is our idea of creative family food projects. OK, fine. Our five-year-old made this by herself. And yes, that’s a wine cork.

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We do things we said we’d never do. Like sleep with our babies.

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Our kids smear non-organic yogurt from a tube all over their bodies.


We take pictures of stuff like this and snicker. Because it’s totally funny.


And this.

I assure you, I did not disrupt the integrity of this scene by posing the doll.

I assure you, I did not disrupt the integrity of this scene by posing the doll.

We buy our kids “healthy” peanut butter but not organic bread. We do cut the crusts off.Β 

We also buy ourselves Justin Bieber birthday cakes because it’s funny.

Don't worry, I didn't bake myself a cake for the occasion. That's my birthday cake last year. It has Justin Bieber on it. Because, that's funny.

Our kids have tantrums at restaurants.


And outlet malls.


We take selfies, too. If our kids are picking their noses, bonus!


When we take photographs of our creative holiday food efforts, it looks like albino moose droppings.


We embrace our kids’ unique styles.


Even if they dress dumpy sometimes.

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Because after all, we’ve been known to work at home wearing their Hello Kitty snuggies.


Sometimes we take ironic, trendy selfies holding Starbucks drinks.


But then we feel like a total dumbass and quit that shizz.


We can’t bring ourselves to drink the “special tea” our kids poured into this nasty cup because we lack imagination and don’t mind killing their dreams.


Yep, we’ve matched our kids before.

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We may have slightly squishy bikini bodies, but it’s OK, because we wear board shorts and make sure our toddlers’ legs are in front of the problem areas.


Martha Stewart would have a stroke in our kitchen. But we’re still. Killing. It.

messy table

People had a lot to say about the Elite Daily article. One commenter wrote, “If this article was a person, I would punch it in the face.” Many others mentioned the lack of diversity featured in the photo montage.Β One of my Twitter friends commented with, “Rich white women with one child are totally killing it.” Yeah, pretty much.

I wrote this comment on my blog’s FB page when I shared it: “I just threw up in my mouth a little. Um, lack of cultural and body type diversity anyone? Let’s not reduce an entire generation of mothers to a hip Barbie prototype, m’kay?” Then someone bashed me for “skinny shaming.” Jesus. Parts of me are sort of skinny. I have nothing against skinny, pretty, happy-looking mamas.

Do “real moms” all have messy houses, a lack of creativity, and flabby bodies? Hell, no! I’m sure some of my fellow Gen X moms are Pinterest goddesses, have sparkling domiciles, sport rock-solid abs, and throw perfect parties. More power to them. Repeat after me: “All moms are real moms.” There’s no need to throw stones at attractive, stylish, physically fit moms. The danger comes when we attempt to categorize the “new face of motherhood” with women from one race, one body type, and an alarmingly similar set of values, including Pinterest perfection, the trendiest clothing, and unlimited financial resources.

Are the pictures pretty to look at? Totally. I too love sharing flattering photos of myself with my kids. But when we slap a new “face” on motherhood? Let’s try to be a bit more realistic.


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