Ah, toddlers. Those purveyors of public humiliation, beggars for the other kind of squeezy yogurt, tormentors of big sisters, and unrelenting advocates for the right to wear the unwashed pair of Doc McStuffins underwear (that also has Lambey on it, because, duh). Having an almost-three-year-old, I can painfully relate to the lyrics of the newest ParentZ Bop song, Tantrums and Demands. If you’re new to ParentZ Bop, here’s how it works: you send me your rewritten parenting lyrics to a popular song, and I record the video. I absolutely love this parody of Jack and Diane from Nicole Leigh Shaw, creator of the hilarious Ninja Mom blog. Nicole is also the genius behind the Character Assassination Carousel (I eviscerated the Barbie series for my turn), and she writes regularly for Nick Mom. She also contributed to the best-selling anthologies I Just Want to Pee Alone and I Just Want to Be Alone. I know- she is amazingly cool and I may or may not have squealed with delight when she emailed me her lyrics.
This song timely for me, too. At the end of summer, I always feel sad about our return to order and lack of fun free time to be together as a family, sharing adventures, and making memories with the kids. I think back fondly on the trips to the pool, the lazy mornings, the late snuggly evenings…
And then I remember what happened at Target just a few hours ago. And the epically bad TV battle this morning for yet another episode of Daniel Freaking Tiger. I remember the shame that befell us just last night as we hauled our toddler out of the Mexican restaurant, kicking and screaming. I think of the endless loop of requests for treats, outings, movies, and the pleas to wear the same *#$%ing outfit for the third consecutive day in a row. (That includes sleeping in it at night, people.)
And I think … “Damn, I could really use some time away from my little
#$%@ dumplings.” Both of my girls are back in school now and I’m welcoming a bit of respite from the daily tantrums and demands. I hope you can forgive the awkward percussion break as you listen to Nicole’s lyrics to “Tantrums and Demands.” (Lyrics below.)
Tantrums and Demands
A little ditty, about tantrums and demands
They make you want to drink with both of your hands
Tantrums gonna be your public shame
Demands for lollipops, gum, and stripy candy canes (it’s August, kid, there are no candy canes)
Sucking on a milkshake, outside of Mickey Dee’s,
Demands! Oh no! Tantrum’s back
She wanted chocolate if you please
Tantrum say hey demands
Let’s kick and scream at mommy
Take off those Stride Rites
We throw them at sissy
Uh, uh Say no
Oh no, you can’t please
Mommy ain’t down with all the flailing
Oh no, you can’t please
Mommy ain’t down with all the yelling
Mommy walks on (from the Target Dollar Spot because if you think you’re getting a toy now, you’ve got another think coming)
Tantrum quiets down,
sucks up its snot for a moment
Says softly “mommy?”
And tries its best pretty please
Well hey now demands,
We oughta ask for some pity
Demands say, baby,
We don’t ask for anything
Oh no, we can’t please
Mommy ain’t down with all the screaming
She said “no”
Oh no, we can’t please
Mommy ain’t down with all the begging
Gonna let her kick,
Uh, gonna let him roll,
Gonna let them scream until hell turns cold
Go hold your damn breath, as long as you want
Mommy’s got nothing for you
She’s no stranger to this taunt
Oh no, tantrum don’t please
Mommy ain’t down with all the kicking
I said “no”
Oh no, demands can’t please
Mommy ain’t down with all the bargaining
A little ditty about tantrums and demands
A toddler’s ill-conceived, worst laid plans
Have a great idea for a parenting song parody? Use the Contact Me Form above. You can catch the other ParentZ Bop videos here. And find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest!
Keep up with all my latest posts right here!
This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post.
Your hosts: Me and Kristi from Finding Ninee.
Guest host: Kerri from Undiagnosed, But We Are Okay With That
This week’s sentence was: “At the end of summer, I always feel…”
I LOVED this!
Yay! I loved writing it and seeing Stehpanie perfom it. I think I might need to do this again . . .
Weren’t those great lyrics? Nicole killed it…
So glad you did this Nicole! Love you both!!
This is spectacular, but please, please tell me how you recorded it without your children screaming in the background. I can not pick up my guitar for even one second without all hell breaking loose in my house. It’s like they don’t want me to be a rock star…
Ha! They were both at school. It’s the only way… 😀
Well yes, yes, you know how much I love a little ditty about tantrums and demands. Love love. So so much!! The pinnable of Sophie in her stroller is perfect and pinnable (so duh, pinning).
Thanks for Pinning- I TOTALLY got Pinterest hits from it! xoxo
HA! I love all of these and this one is so fun! We have all been there – in Target wishing tantrums and demands hadn’t tagged along!
Thanks, Lisa! This one was fun to record!
If you figure out a way for children to understand that the shirt is DIRTY. I am not doing laundry every freaking day so you can wear your Elsa shirt I will buy you a nice box of wine. It is incredible the meltdown that ensues over a freaking shirt!!! I completely feel your pain and will toast you with a drink held by two hands, hmmmm a margarita?
I’ll see your margarita and raise you a… sangria? White Russian? If you can figure it out first, you’re my new hero. Sophie is wearing her Anna and Elsa shirt as we speak… while wreaking havoc in my damn kitchen.
I just laughed so hard I died. You two should take this on the road.
That would be my life’s dream, realized. Whaddya say, Nicole?
LOVE the song parody!! And yeah, when my kids were your kids’ ages, I used to cherish those few quiet hours at home while they were at school – enjoy!
Yeah, about those “quiet hours.” Sophie, my toddler, stayed home from preschool with a cough this afternoon, and while I was supposed to be “working” (read: commenting on FTSF posts and mailing books…) she refused to nap, poked actual (not metaphorical) holes in my mailing labels, and dumped cheese on the floor. Can’t WAIT for next Wednesday when she goes back to preschool…
I’m actually looking forward to school starting for Lily as wel (Violet’s been back the second week now) and start our (new) routine. Oh, and the song is hilarious. Been there, and each time it’s not my kid who throws a tantrum I’m secretly high-fiving myself that it’s not my kid 🙂
Oh, I know. It’s always so validating when it’s someone else’s kid. I’m enjoying the routine, too!
This was AWESOME! I hadn’t realized that you had a whole series going on. I went back and listened to them all. Priceless! BTW, who was your backup rhythm section on You Can’t Always Poop Where You Want? I thought that the tambourine and flashing lights were super! Thanks for this post, it put a big smile on my face….
Ha! Thanks! And that was my super-awesome brother in his bachelor pad playing the tambourine. 🙂 🙂 Glad you liked it!
Could not love this more and now I am humming Jack and Diane but with these awesome new lyrics that sadly I couldn’t totally relate to and then some!! 😉
You’re a one woman band, Stephanie! This was an awesome parody – Nicole’s lyrics and your singing with attitude. Enjoy your daily respite now that the girls are in school!
Thanks Dana! And you can bet I will…
No words for how awesome this is.
Oh, Leah, that totally made my day- thanks!
Firingthe link off to my pal who some 16 years later still cringes when she recalls abandoning her shopping cart mid lineup and dragging her blue in the face, screeching toddler out of the store to the horror of the perfect mommies and the perfect toddlers.
Ha! I appreciate it,Kelly!
My daughter didn’t really rage. But now my son, he’s a true two. Right now, he kicks at whoever is changing his diaper, screaming for the other parent. Will I really long for these days?
Awesome! That was a song that I used to like then heard it so much I started to hate it. Now I like it again as long as it has Nicole’s lyrics and you singing it 😉 Way to go!
YES! I get sad because I want to say “did I enjoy it enough, did I CHERISH it enough, and OMG everyone tells me it flies by” BUT I also can use a break from the fighting and the constant needs. Torn (<–PS, wasn't that a song? Maybe another ParentZ Bop beauty waiting to be written?)
RIGHT? I am so with you on that. As for another song… bring it! 😀
LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!!!
Love the original version of this song…spoke to me as an 18 year old. 20 years later and really loving this version…speaks to me even more. Good work.
Oh my gosh. That was hilarious. Awesome lyrics, and beautifully sung by you as always!! Great job capturing the hilarious and aggravating ridiculousness of children. 🙂
Loved it!!! The shaky egg, the dollar section at Target, all of it. So happy to find two of my favorite bloggers in one place! xo
I love this!!! I have a post I did a little bit ago rewriting Cage the Elephants song, “There ain’t no rest for the wicked.” I called it there ain’t no rest for a mama. Would love to have it featured with you!!! Here’s the link.