Ah, toddlers. Those purveyors of public humiliation, beggars for the other kind of squeezy yogurt, tormentors of big sisters, and unrelenting advocates for the right to wear the unwashed pair of Doc McStuffins underwear (that also has Lambey on it, because, duh). Having an almost-three-year-old, I can painfully relate to the lyrics of the newest ParentZ Bop song, Tantrums and Demands. If you’re new to ParentZ Bop, here’s how it works:  you send me your rewritten parenting lyrics to a popular song, and I record the video. I absolutely love this parody of Jack and Diane from Nicole Leigh Shaw, creator of the hilarious Ninja Mom blog. Nicole is also the genius behind the Character Assassination Carousel (I eviscerated the Barbie series for my turn), and she writes regularly for Nick Mom. She also contributed to the best-selling anthologies I Just Want to Pee Alone and I Just Want to Be Alone. I know- she is amazingly cool and I may or may not have squealed with delight when she emailed me her lyrics.

ParentZ Bop

This song timely for me, too. At the end of summer, I always feel sad about our return to order and lack of fun free time to be together as a family, sharing adventures, and making memories with the kids. I think back fondly on the trips to the pool, the lazy mornings, the late snuggly evenings…

And then I remember what happened at Target just a few hours ago. And the epically bad TV battle this morning for yet another episode of Daniel Freaking Tiger. I remember the shame that befell us just last night as we hauled our toddler out of the Mexican restaurant, kicking and screaming. I think of the endless loop of requests for treats, outings, movies, and the pleas to wear the same *#$%ing outfit for the third consecutive day in a row. (That includes sleeping in it at night, people.)

Tantrums&Demands (1)

And I think … “Damn, I could really use some time away from my little #$%@ dumplings.” Both of my girls are back in school now and I’m welcoming a bit of respite from the daily tantrums and demands. I hope you can forgive the awkward percussion break as you listen to Nicole’s lyrics to “Tantrums and Demands.” (Lyrics below.)

Tantrums and Demands

A little ditty, about tantrums and demands
They make you want to drink with both of your hands
Tantrums gonna be your public shame
Demands for lollipops, gum, and stripy candy canes (it’s August, kid, there are no candy canes)

Sucking on a milkshake, outside of Mickey Dee’s,
Demands! Oh no! Tantrum’s back
She wanted chocolate if you please
Tantrum say hey demands
Let’s kick and scream at mommy
Take off those Stride Rites
We throw them at sissy

Uh, uh Say no

Oh no, you can’t please
Mommy ain’t down with all the flailing
Say no
Oh no, you can’t please
Mommy ain’t down with all the yelling
Mommy walks on (from the Target Dollar Spot because if you think you’re getting a toy now, you’ve got another think coming)

Tantrum quiets down,
sucks up its snot for a moment
Says softly “mommy?”
And tries its best pretty please
Well hey now demands,
We oughta ask for some pity
Demands say, baby,
We don’t ask for anything

Tantrum says,
Oh no, we can’t please
Mommy ain’t down with all the screaming
She said “no”
Oh no, we can’t please
Mommy ain’t down with all the begging

Gonna let her kick,
Uh, gonna let him roll,
Gonna let them scream until hell turns cold
Go hold your damn breath, as long as you want
Mommy’s got nothing for you
She’s no stranger to this taunt

Oh no, tantrum don’t please
Mommy ain’t down with all the kicking
I said “no”
Oh no, demands can’t please
Mommy ain’t down with all the bargaining

A little ditty about tantrums and demands
A toddler’s ill-conceived, worst laid plans

Have a great idea for a parenting song parody? Use the Contact Me Form above. You can catch the other ParentZ Bop videos here. And find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest

Keep up with all my latest posts right here!


This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post.
Your hosts: Me and Kristi from Finding Ninee.
Guest host: Kerri from Undiagnosed, But We Are Okay With That

This week’s sentence was: “At the end of summer, I always feel…” 


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