Is your toddler an expert at prolonging bedtime? Do you teeter between amusement and irritation as the bedtime routine gets longer and longer and longer…? Both of my children are experts at bedtime stalling- my toddler’s latest technique in an impressive repertoire of bedtime stall tactics is to morph into a dazzling conversationalist as soon as the lights go down.

Does this scenario sound familiar to you? My daughter and I have a lovely bedtime routine that ends with rocking and lullabies. Some nights it is serene and relaxing, and others…

Me: Baby Mine, don’t you cry…
Sophie: Where’s Grandma Nel?
Me: She went home to Texas, remember?
Sophie: Where’s Izzy?
Me: Getting ready for bed.
Sophie: Where’s Daddy?
Me: (gritting my teeth) Downstairs.
Sophie: Where’s Santa?

Me: (gently, in a soothing tone) Our voices are resting now. Questions are going night-night.
Sophie: OK.

Sophie: Where are the Wiggles?
Me: (sighing) Baby mine, dry your eyes…
Sophie: Where are the Wiggles?
Me: Rest your head, close to my heart,
Sophie: Where are–?
Me: never to part— they’re in Australia– baby of mine– it’s time for night-night.

Sophie: Where’s Katie and the kittens?
Me: Little one-– they’re in the book, sleeping– when you play,

Sophie: Why?
Me: Because it’s bedtime.
Sophie: Why?
Me:  It just is. Pay no heed, what they say…

Sophie: Where’s the turkey?
Me: Thanksgiving’s over.
Sophie: Why? Where’s the parade? (Macy’s, natch)
Me: It’s all done. Thanksgiving’s over. So is Christmas.

Sophie: Why?
Me: It just is. (sotto voce) Let your eyes sparkle and shine,
Sophie: Sing loud. I want loud.
Me: (resuming a normal volume) Never a tear, baby of mine.

Sophie: Where did Thanksgiving go?
Me: From your…

Sophie: Mommy?
Me: Yes?
Sophie: Mommy?
Me? Yes?
Sophie: Mommy?
Me: YES?

Sophie: Um…umm..ummm…
Me: (standing up) From your head, to your toes…

Sophie: Ina rock! Ina rock! (translation- I want to rock)
Me: Good night. You’re not much, goodness knows…

Sophie: Where’s Daddy?
Me: But you’re so precious to me, sweet as can be, baby of mine… (closing door)

Sophie: Where’s Murray? Where’s the Captain?

(I tiptoed into her bedroom before I went to bed. Sleep had transformed her from vexing dictator to perfect angel, her mouth open slightly, curls matted to her forehead, and arms splayed to the side. The cliche is true- they are perfect when they are sleeping.)

Blowing out the candles- night-night!

Blowing out the candles- night-night!

Need another parenting laugh? Read HuffPost Parents Funniest Parenting Tweets this week- and I’m in it this time! I’m embarrassed to admit how excited I was when I saw this:


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I was also star-struck to see who else was in this week’s roundup: Jennifer Weiner, (the author!) Mommyshorts, Brian Hope Comedy, and Heather Armstrong! Of Dooce! I was hoping sharing the list with them would cause them to become intrigued and follow me on Twitter too, but…
Read all of their Twitter hilariousness here.

Finally, have you heard The HerStories Project’s big news? We’ve announced our next project; our anthology about friendship breakups is tentatively titled My Other Ex: Women’s Stories of Friendship Burnouts, Betrayals and Breakups. 

myotherexjan2014I’m sure many of us have experience with friendship breakups, and we are asking for your help. Writers, check out our call for submissions- we’d love to hear your stories for our next project. We are also asking for people to take our survey about friendship breakups- it’s really short and will help us out tremendously in our next book. Please take a few minutes to fill it out, and spread the word! More information on the submission process and survey here. We can’t wait to hear from you! 

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