I took a short family vacation last week, as you may or may not recall. My husband and I loaded up the minivan with our six year old, 20 month old, 3 suitcases, 4 pillows, 5 stuffed animals, 3 blankets, a Pack-n-Play, a portable toilet seat, a white noise machine, a booster seat for mealtime, (used one time during trip) a DVD player, a dozen movies, a Leapster, a puzzle that makes transportation sounds, a cookie sheet with magnets stuck to it, (genius, right?) 5 types of sunscreen, and 4 giant bags of food. For 4 nights.
The travel time from our home to Taos, NM is approximately 5 hours, when normal people embark on the journey. By normal I mean “without small children.” We left at 9:20 in the morning and arrived at 4:00 pm. You do the math. We actually didn’t do too badly, considering we got stuck in traffic twice along the way and stopped at 3 McDonald’s. (I wish I was exaggerating for comedic purposes.) Also, this happened:
I decided that it would be fun to “live-tweet” our road trip, but the prospect of annoying people with minute-by-minute tweets was daunting to me, being a people-pleaser, so I stuck with the following mid-trip announcements:
Turns out auto bingo is actually fun. Who knew? #familyroadtrip
— Mommy, for real. (@mommyisforreal) June 19, 2013
I’m totally playing auto bingo by myself. I’m not ashamed. #familyroadtrip
— Mommy, for real. (@mommyisforreal) June 19, 2013
I have officially reached the “What the hell have we done?” phase of this #familyroadtrip
— Mommy, for real. (@mommyisforreal) June 19, 2013
The last hour of the #familyroadtrip: my daughter is singing a song she made up: “You’re stinky but you don’t have to feel sad.”
— Mommy, for real. (@mommyisforreal) June 19, 2013
Just spilled a little margarita on my toddler’s head. #momoftheyear
— Mommy, for real. (@mommyisforreal) June 22, 2013
What dumbass thought it was a good idea to buy a puzzle that makes a siren noise for a road trip? Oh, right. That was me.
— Mommy, for real. (@mommyisforreal) June 23, 2013
Sound puzzle + Sesame Street movie + Kidz Bop CD = Hell on Wheels. #familyroadtrip almost over!
— Mommy, for real. (@mommyisforreal) June 23, 2013
Disclaimer: I was not drinking margaritas in the car. That tweet was from our one and only public dining experience. Hence, the much-needed margarita.Â
Other visual highlights included:
The daily ice cream visits- both good and bad.
The adorable daddy and toddler naptime while bathed in an otherworldly light:
The discovery that in New Mexico, or at least where we were, they call Speed Bumps “Humps.” And here I thought a “Speed Hump” was something teenagers did. Heh-heh.
All in all, it was a successful trip- we even slept well! Should you be traveling with your young ones for this 4th of July Holiday, heed my advice, and never, never bring a puzzle that makes a siren sound in the car with you. I’m sure you have more festive activities planned than blog-reading this week, so I’m going to let you off the hook and observe some blog silence for the holiday. See you next week! Have a great 4th of July!
What a fun post – I laughed my way through it. Although my favorite part was daddy and Sophie sleeping………………….It just warmed the cockles of my heart.
Glad you had fun in the end. I wondered about the margarita tweet at the time…
Yeah, I’m not THAT irresponsible! 😉
Seriously great post and loved the tweet vacation updates. Seriously, the picture of your toddler crying, I felt your pain, because as you know I too have been there and back. Also, the pic of your hubby and your little girl sleeping was too cute. Have a great 4th of July and enjoy the time off!! 🙂
You too Janine!
So funny! Your daughter’s song reminds me of Phoebe’s “Smelly Cat” from Friends…. And the dumbass who made the siren puzzle also made the {not making this up} steering wheel toy that attaches to the kid’s carseat and plays blaring radio music, blinker signals, and yes, a siren. We somehow keep leaving that toy at grandma’s house.
Speed hump. Tee-hee.
Glad you had a good trip and have a great 4th!!!
It is SO Smelly Cat! Ha! And that stewing wheel toy sounds atrocious!
Crying with laughter at this post…LOVE that you tweeted and that you included the arched back, tantrum stroller picture! SO FUNNY!!-Ashley
I think that photo is hilarious- does that make me a Mean Mommy?
Margaritas in the car would make the trip so much better though! 😉 This was funny because I can soooooo relate. We just did road trips for theme thursday last week, so this was very timely too!
Oh man! I just missed it! And yes- cocktails during a road trip would be so helpful!
I couldn’t stop laughing at “Just spilled a little margarita on my toddler’s head!” Glad you guys had fun!
Thanks Keith! Glad it made you laugh!
Speed hump!!! Wow, we’re 12-year-old boys aren’t we? 🙂
Your trip has made me reconsider our vacation disembarkation time of 8am; I believe we will now leave at 2am, drive through, and arrive 6 hours before we’re allowed to check-in. Sacrifices.
I, for one, enjoyed the live tweets AND the photos!!!
Good call, mama. May the force be with you…
Oh my, those live tweets are hilarious! I do feel your pain though – I mean, hours in the car with small children is the ultimate test of fortitude.
That is the truth! Thanks Natalie!
That’s great. I wish I had been on Twitter. I love people who live tweet!
I do, too. I’m not really one of them. Merely an imposter…
Bahahahaha! I love that you spilled a margarita on your child’s head. CLASSIC!!!! Sounds like it was a fun trip, even though it was a pain in the ass getting there. Traveling really becomes another beast when you have kids, doesn’t it?! Glad to have you home! xo
Yeah, it was not quite as fraught with disaster as I feared it may have been. Frankly, I’m shocked that there wasn’t MORE drinking…
Love, love, love! This is such perfect timing too, because we’re going away on Saturday for one week to the cottage and I am totally going to use the opening paragraph of your post as my “to bring” list. I was laughing out loud at the description of hell on wheels. I dread that part. Every one of our car rides is “hell on wheels” with Daniel going into newborn colicky cry mode (he’s 10 months old, going on 11) and Ben wanting to have my full attention. As does my husband. I laughed, cried in my heart, dreaded AND wished I would drink. Not liking alcohol is such an obstacle sometimes. I am so sorry I missed those tweets, this was hilarious.
P.S. Do they say Happy Bump Day on Wednesdays in NM?
HaHa! We did the road trip thing last week – to the beach and back again. Our girls are a little older now, and it’s not so bad, but I remember the toddler days oh so well!
This is GENIUS. Plus, I love the disclaimer. We are skipping our normal summer road trip to see my parents because they were just here. SCORE.
Oh thanks Nina! And yes- bigtime score on dodging the family road trip this year! 😀
You were quite right to take in a margarita or two!! Fun post!!
I adore this! And you! You’re stinky but you don’t have to feel sad because this is awesome. Seriously awesome. And awww to the daddy toddler nap time. Awww!!!! Friend, I’m not sure whether the timing of this is perfect or terrible. We’ll be in the car for just about five hours tomorrow, heading to the beach. We’ll pack just as much sh!t and we only have one kid. All in all, I’d say you totally won.
PS – Did you like the margarita off her head or just kindof mop it up with a napkin? Dying to know.
PPS – Speed hump. Hehe.
PPPS – Was photo 2 of Sophie because her ice cream fell or because it was gone or just a random thang?
PPPPS – I just wanted the four Ps. Happy Fourth of July weekend, you.
LICK NOT LIKE f*cking auto-correct (or me). Did you lick it off her head (and I just tried to spell head like hair – as in heid). Is that German? OMG I so need more than 4 hours of sleep.
Love it!! We leave on the 12th for our 11 hour trip up north. I told my husband, “I really think we should limit the amount of DVDs they watch this year. They need to do more reading and talking to us. Last year they watched way too many DVDs.” Know what he said to me? “Woman, why do you do this? There is no such thing as ‘way too many DVDs’ when you have a 9 and 7 year old in the car for 11 hours. And the last thing they need to do is ‘talk to us.’ Don’t go all guilty-mom on me. Not this time.” Bwahaha! He is so right. I should just throw in a siren puzzle just to see if he can totally lose it. Wish us luck!
Vicky
One of my best friends in the world lives in Taos. I’ve spent tons of time there, and love it. I’m so, so jealous! Although, I haven’t been there now that I have a child. Hmmm? Go figure? Anyway, I LOVE how you started off with the epic list of stuff…for four days. It boggles my mind how much stuff is required for such little beings! And I am so impressed that you DID IT! I don’t know if I could. I think I would come back more exhausted than when I started. And I would definitely need a margarita in the car…and during nap, after bedtime, happy hour?
Although, that one picture of papa and baby makes the whole trip worthwhile. Simply beautiful!
Seriously awesome. I live-blogged our horrible trip out west this past winter on Facebook. I also wrote an article about it for another outlet; I’ll have to send it to you.
The photos are priceless – both good and bad. 🙂
I read that first tweet as you forgot “the white noise machine, our toddler and the directions.” See? Your trip could have been MUCH worse. 😉
Those tweets are hilarious. HuffPo should include you in the funniest tweets of the week!!
Visiting from the Humor Blog Hop: The Disgusting Edition! I’m right there with you on holding back on Twitter. I feel like too many tweets will annoy my followers. I need to get over it! 😉 Enjoyed your post!
Thanks for the advice but I don’t think I’d make the mistake of taking a siren puzzle on the road. Sometimes I get freaked out by the music on the radio, thinking an ambulance is behind me or a phone is ringing. Loved the picture of the nappers. Too cute.
Heh! We have Speed Humps here too! 🙂 Thought it was kinda odd. We drove from Alaska to Idaho with a 22 month old as the snow was beginning to fall – it took us 7 L O N G days to get through Canada. It was a miserable trip. By the end, we were all in tears for different reasons. 😀
I hope the trip back home was better!
Ahh, family road trips. My perservering parents quite diligently road-tripped our family over a good chunk of the U.S. Pull-and-Peel twizzlers were our road trip distraction of choice. Mom would give us a package of those and we’d be quiet for an hour at least while we made all manner of licorice jewelry and then ate them till we couldn’t eat any more.
And that’s why I always bring a pack of Pull-and-peel licorice on my road trips as an adult–it’s still entertaining.
You had to have been so pissed to spill the margarita after listening to puzzle with siren sound effects. LOL to how long your five hour trip took.
I can’t believe I missed this one, it’s awesome! I love live-tweeting from anything! I remember seeing one of those while you were on vacation – the margarita one – loved it! Glad the trip turned out to be a seemingly good one. The first day/night of our road trip was awful. I put my tweets in my last weekend update. I totally should have saved them and written a whole post. That’ll learn me. 🙂
I so love your daughter’s song. Reminds me o my granddaughter who sings about stinky bugs while holding her nose. She’s 2.