One of my most popular posts is called “I Can’t Decide If I Want To Have Another Baby,” written over two years ago. I think the reason it gets so much traffic is because people stumble upon it when they are typing that exact sentence into a search engine. People find it because they too are uncertain and are looking for answers. Even though I wrote it several years ago, readers often comment or even reach out to me privately or on my Mommy, For Real Facebook page to tell me about their own struggle, thank me for writing about it, and then ask, “Well?? What did you decide??”
And I guess my answer is, “I didn’t. I didn’t decide. Life just . . . happened.”
I haven’t written about this at all since that blog post, which I also wrote reluctantly, but I decided to open up about it again in the hopes that it would be cathartic and that perhaps others could relate, too. So I’m sharing the “Part Two” to the story on Parent.co this week. Here’s an excerpt:
I always assumed I would just know when our family was complete. Mothers are supposed to “just know” these things: when our children have fevers, when something is wrong at school, when we’ve conceived – perhaps even the second it happens. Our intuition is given so much weight, and I bought into it, too. I always felt, in an almost mystical way, that we would have a third baby.
I’m almost embarrassed to admit that, minutes after I had given birth to my second daughter, my first thought was “I can’t wait to do that again.” When I weaned her at 16 months, I never suspected I had nursed for the last time. That secret, all-knowing, intuitive part of me believed that there was another baby still to come.
You can read the full article here. As it turned out, other people can relate. I shared the article on my Facebook page, and I received so many supportive comments and private messages. You can join the conversation here. And I want to thank all of you who shared and commented; your words meant so much to me. This is a hard subject, it’s raw and real and personal. If you want to share your own experience, I would love to hear from you!
2 years after having my 2nd, I knew I wanted a third. And although I loved trnnewborn and breastfeeding aspect of it, I had hyperemesis with the girls, and physically and emotionally knew I couldn’t do it again. And that’s when that small seed that had been planted years ago began to grow. It was spiritually a calling that I felt from God to adopt. It took a lot of time, effort, agreement and heartache… and 5 years later we adopted Jack from Guatemala as a 9 month old. When I held him after the foster mom had left, and after I fed and bathed and comforted, i knew it was right. Not easy, not ever, but right. Vacations are more chaotic, life is more chaotic, mornings were and are harder, my fatigue is greater, My career went on the back burner, I have more competition for my affection, and I have a sense of purpose stronger than any I have known. I knew it was right; I didn’t know it would be so hard. A very very good question with no absolute black and white answer.