You guys, I have a confession. Today’s Finish the Sentence Friday sentence is “I tried to cook…” and I just can’t do it. I just wrapped up FIVE days with food poisoning, and not only have I not cooked anything yet, the idea of writing about cooking something just isn’t appealing to me. So, for the first time ever, I’m going to be lazy and resurrect an old post for this link up.
Awhile back, I wrote a post that fits perfectly: “I tried to cook dinner the other night, and it didn’t go well…”
When my brother and I reached elementary school and beyond, we often behaved poorly at the dinner table. Whining, bickering, complaining- we did it all. “Why can’t mealtime just be pleasant?” our disgruntled mother would lament. Years later, we would mock her (sorry, Mom) for this June Cleaver-ish sentiment, but as with all things parenting, I am starting to understand. I have gotten a taste of my own medicine, and it sucks.
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| What’s not to love about family meal time? |
On an evening that had followed the pinnacle of our sleeplessness, I began to gather my ingredients for a casserole I had planned, determined to maintain a vestige of productivity on an otherwise useless day. I located the casserole dish (in the dishwasher of course) and my obliging husband washed it while I began to pull boxes and cans out of the cupboards. As I opened the refrigerator to locate the cheese, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I remembered discussing the fact that I needed some at the grocery store, but I had committed the cardinal parental shopping sin of shopping without a list. I did not return home with the cheese. Macaroni and cheese casserole without the cheese is a colossal failure. I could feel the façade of my composure spiraling out of control. “I don’t feel like making anything,” I choked tearfully to my husband. “I don’t feel like making anything,” I repeated numbly and bolted for the stairs. I do not recall the last time I fled to my bedroom to cry, but that was the only course of action that seemed appropriate.
As many mothers know, even the opportunity to pee, brush one’s teeth, or yes, cry alone in one’s bedroom, is frequently thwarted by our children. My six year old barreled into my bedroom sobbing and threw her arms around me. For some reason this made me cry harder. “Why are you crying Izzy?” I asked, laughing through my tears. “Because you’re crying,” she bawled. Then she began to actually wail, “Boo hoo hoo! Boo hoo hoo!”
During the following night, on the heels of a miraculously decent night of sleep, I was more prepared. I foolishly uttered the words, “Well, this mealtime seems to be an improvement over last night,” as I worked in the kitchen. I knew those words would come back to haunt me. As I reached for my daughter’s plate in the cupboard, I heard a noisy clatter. Alarmed, I was certain that the baby had somehow fallen out of her high chair, but instead found my older child splayed out on the linoleum, having tripped over the always annoying baby gate. By the look on my husband’s face, I could see that his irritation meter was maxed out, and I knew it was my turn. Mustering up some empathy, I shooed hubby away and cooed and snuggled with Izzy.
I had prepared two of her favorites for dinner- pigs in a blanket and green bean casserole. Culinary artists and nutritionists alike stand in awe of me. You would think that my thoughtful meal planning combined with my act of nurturing would have landed me in Izzy’s good graces for dinner. You would be wrong. To my great consternation, she announced that she didn’t care for her pig in a blanket. As I stuttered in disbelief, she gagged, revealing a mouthful of both pig and blanket. She spit it into the trash as I protested, “What was wrong with it?”
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| She used to love Mommy’s gourmet cooking. Ingrate. |
“It’s horrible,” she choked ungratefully. Maintaining a firm grip on my self-control, I set her plate on the counter and ordered her upstairs. “What the f-ck?” I mouthed to my husband and we listened to her clamber up the stairs crying loudly. As Izzy’s plaintive ululations drifted down the stairs, we attempted to enjoy our French’s onion-laden casserole and hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls, every adult’s dream come true. (Ok, I’m trying to pretend like I don’t really enjoy them. Which I do.)
There are many words I would use to describe family mealtime. Pleasant is not at the top of the list.
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Next week’s sentence is: “I did something really stupid once, I…”
Yup sounds like dinner at my house many nights!! God how I can relate and then some Stephanie. No matter what we do sometimes it just isn’t enough and turns to crap. Sorry and do hope you are feeling better.
Thanks Janine! I know, I think the ungrateful disaster meals are just a part of motherhood, huh?
Great post! I hadn’t read this one before. I can totally relate to feeling like a failure for forgetting the cheese at the store. That was something I mentioned in my lovely post I had written, up until 8:22pm when I accidentally deleted the whole freaking thing. If only I were more organized I would have made a list. If only I weren’t so frugal, I’d stick to just one store for shopping instead of three,like a normal person. Okay, maybe you don’t do this, but I find myself on this self-beating track often. Although, I must say that it’s gotten better since I’ve been so consumed by my blog, because I just don’t care about food and frugality anymore, so we eat the same five meals every weekday. I should have changed that a long time ago.
And crap, I didn’t even mention your food-poisoning. That’s awful. I hope you’re feeling better.
Kate, you crack me up! Glad you hadn’t read this one before- I was hoping it was old enough it wouldn’t be a completely pathetic contribution… I seriously can’t believe you deleted your post. Can’t wait to read the new one!
Yes, this is a repeat – but I laughed as loudly and heartedly this time as the first time I read it.
I will contribute a ‘odd approach to cooking story’ with my wife’s permission. (this being appropriate since she is the main actor in the story), anyway when we first started going out, we had our first ‘I’ll fix dinner for us’ dinner.
…punchline line is, discovering too late that there was not a spoon of sour cream in the house (I think it was some stroganoff-like meal), Phyllis decided that mayonnaise would serve as a stand-in ingredient, it being white and creamy in consistency.
It did not taste all that…good.
But it being a testimony to the drive of the male human to secure hearth and home and such, that I ate it with great relish and compliments (she didn’t mention the secret ingredient).
as 10cc would sing, ‘…the things we do for love.’
You said it- the things we do for love. Funny story!
Food poisoning is the worst!!!!! Glad to hear it’s at the tail end, but UGH. Like you needed that this week. On the bright side, and I’m 7 days late, you’re a published author!! Right? Like, I’m not making this up, right?! So, CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yup- woo-hoo! And yes, food poisoning is the worst. Free weight loss plan, though, huh? :p
Oh, I think we’ve all been there with those meals that just don’t go right and the kids who complain about what they are served, no matter what. I feel your pain! I gotta say though, those pictures of your daughter eating when she was a little babe are ADORABLE!!
Yes, I definitely think it is a universal experience. And thanks, I’m a big fan of the messy baby-face photos! Can’t wait to read your post today!
Ouch! Well done you for keeping it together, just about. Hopefully mealtimes will continue to improve as they grow older.
Here’s hoping…
Oh I hope you are feeling better. If you still have any ‘blah’ feeling about you, I excuse you from my post. The picture made MY stomach flip probably because of the memory of it all. I love the Izzy came to cry with your even if you needed a mommy moment. My son has never seen me cry. Now I just hide from him if I have to, because I don’t want to alarm him.
Oh, wow, I can’t believe your son has never seen you cry! I guess I am a bit of a “cry-er”…there’s no hope for anybody missing out on that experience! OK, now I am really curious to read your post, so I don’t think I can help myself!
My kids are older and while mealtimes are more pleasant, preparing meals still sucks. Sorry to hear about your food poisoning – I hope it wasn’t from pigs in a blanket – those are the best!
No, thank goodness pigs in the blanket are not off limits! I love em too!
Having read your post, the solution that works for me is…I don’t cook! I quite see this wouldn’t work for you, but it’s perfect for me! Have a good day!
I don’t blame you one bit!
You would think mealtime at my house was a short order deli trying to prepare at least one thing everyone likes. One who prefers veggies over meat, the meat eater, and the one who does both.. yeah pleasant is not a usual description and all of mine are 13 and above….sighs
NOOOO! I was counting on you to tell me mealtime gets better! Just kidding. Sort of.
Oh I hope you are feeling better–food poisoning is yucky and then to write about food after that–meh–
Thanks Audrey! Yeah, it is awful. 🙁
Soooo sorry to hear that [ironically] you are just getting over a bout of food poisoning – hopefully not at your own hands??? I was reading this and waiting for a punchline at the end like figuring out that Izzy was right to spit it out because the crescent dough was cooked on the outside but raw in the middle or something like that. Forgetting the cheese is something I would be likely to do – I’ll be so focused on the random items I need to pick up that I forget all about the primary thing I was there for to start with!! 🙂
Aw man! I had no idea that you had food poisoning. That’s awful. I’ve had it once and man – it was terrible. Glad you are finally feeling better. We need to touch base next week. We’re like ships passing in the night!
FIVE DAYS OF FOOD POISONING SICKNESS??? Oh, you poor thing! I am so sorry.
Now that my kids are older, dinner time is even worse than when they were little. Old standby meals are suddenly unacceptable. What one child craves, the other thinks is horrible…etc etc to infinity. Nobody is ever happy at the same time unless we are ordering pizza (but they want pizza from different places just to be sure someone is at least slightly unhappy)
Your messy baby eating photos made me SQUEE!! SO adorable! –Lisa
I wonder why she all of a sudden decided she didn’t like pigs in a blanket? What could ever be wrong with salty, processed meat and croissants? NOTHING. Ever. She was just practicing being a teenager, perhaps. And yeah, mealtime ain’t what it used to be, sister. Not. At. All.
And WTF about five days (!!??!!!!) of food poisoning? That’s awful! I thought once a person barfed and shat enough, that stuff was gone? Dude. I’m so sorry 🙁
Izzy sounds awesome, and not just because she and I share a love of pigs in a blanket and green been casserole. I assume you are referring to both the meal of “pigs in a blanket” and actual pigs in blankets. I love both.
That’s some food poisoning! I’m glad you’re getting over it/are over it! What a horrible feeling. I hope that you can get back into the kitchen soon.
My mom always told me that I would “get it” 3-fold from my girls. What she didn’t tell me was that I was going to get it 3-fold by 3-fold! Oh, my girls are WAY more horrible than I was!!!
{that’s my story and I’m sticking to it}
I haven’t had pigs in a blanket since I was young. I remember my mother used to add relish to them before cooking. It always seemed to give them a sweet taste. Even though we know what’s in hot dogs, we tend to go through a package of them about every three months. To me, there’s nothing like a coney with diced onions, relish, and mustard. (Oh, the calories … what the hell!) I guess we’re just lucky that the kids are grown and no longer are around to complain what’s for dinner. Now, it’s their turn to listen to the kids complain! lol Usually, when we find something missing for dinner, it’s time to experiment, or go back to old favorites fixed in a different manner. That’s how I discovered that Jalepeno cheese slices, fried baloney, a slice of onion, on wheat bread make tremendous versions of the old grilled cheese sandwiches. Or, take a can of chili (horrible on it’s own), add diced onions, a can of corn, and a can of mixed vegetables, and a little garlic powder, and serve atop mashed potatoes. I know it sounds weird, but it’s amazing what you can come up with when you leave the conventional accepted food items and experiment. At least then, if it doesn’t work out, you’ve got something to laugh about instead of cry! lol Great post!
There were two dinners in our household in recent memory that I considered pretty miserable. The first time I had cooked a couple of my favorite Indian dishes, with a bit of effort. The second time, my mother and I had cooked a simple casserole, trying to keep Nate both hungry but entertained during the prep and cooking process. Throughout both dinners, Nate screamed and flailed in his highchair, refusing to eat and throwing his food on the floor. We couldn’t even enjoy our meal or hear each other speak. I found myself wondering why I had bothered. Sheesh.