It was a Tuesday morning. We pulled our minivan into the circular driveway and I opened my toddler’s door and told her where we were. She grinned broadly and started clapping her hands.
“Ella! William!” she crooned, naming a few of her friends. “Zsariel!”she squealed, referring to the owner’s assistant.
We had just arrived at First Steps Learning Center, an in-home Montessori childcare for six children, ages 1-3. Sophie spends three full days here, Tuesdays-Thursdays from 8:30-4:30.
And she loves it.
When I drop her off, she runs excitedly to find her friends and a “job” to do. She sometimes stands at the window and waves goodbye to me, blowing kisses, her smile stretching across her entire face. Other days, she is too busy playing to come to the window. When I watch her tiny form pressed against the window, waving contentedly at me, sometimes I want to cry.
But it’s not because I think I shouldn’t be leaving her at childcare. It’s because I know she is so securely attached to me, and so comfortable in her childcare environment that she has absolutely no objection to my departure. And that feels amazing.
Sure, the first few times I left Sophie at childcare for a few hours were rough. Generally after the first few minutes she had stopped crying, but it was still agonizing. It took significantly less time than I thought it would for her to begin to thrive in this new place. She began to genuinely adore the other children, and being the youngest, she began to learn from them.
One day I arrived a bit early to pick her up and the children were seated around low, circular tables having snack. They each had a plate and cup in front of them, and were serving themselves spoonfuls of fruit and crackers onto their plates without any assistance. When they were finished, they picked up their dishes, loaded them in the bottom of the dishwasher, took a wet washcloth out of a basket, wiped their faces in front of a low mirror, and deposited their washcloths into a small receptacle. Even Sophie. My 12 month old.
The children’s snack and lunchtime routine.
I was astonished that she was able to participate so readily in this structured ritual. Not only did she tolerate it, she seemed to revel in these independent skills. She appeared to be delighted with herself. It made me realize how much more she was capable of at home than we were expecting of her.
My daughter, now nearly 18 months, has grown very attached to Teresa, her childcare provider, as well as her assistant, and she greets her friends so eagerly in the morning. It is honestly a joy to witness. What’s more- she never wants to leave when I come pick her up- after over eight hours.
I am well aware that not all daycare centers are created equal, and we are extremely fortunate to have such an ideal environment for our daughter. Her older sister attended this learning center as a toddler as well, and we realized then that First Steps is unique for many reasons. Here are a few of the things that make it so special.
- It is a licensed facility
- It is a Montessori-based philosophy, which promotes independence in young children.
- There are never more than 6 children.
- Teresa is the most patient, resourceful, and wise woman I have ever met. She is able to help me brainstorm solutions to the most confounding of parenting problems.
- The families at this center really feel like a community.
The Montessori philosophy uses the term “jobs” or “work” to describe the children’s choices for activities.
My daughters have attended childcare because I work part-time. Thanks to my fantastic schedule as an early childhood music teacher, I am generally finished teaching by noon or earlier. And yet, three days a week, I keep my toddler at childcare ALL day, while her sister is at school.
This gives me three afternoons a week when I am neither working nor parenting. I know. It feels decadent. But you know what? As a sensitive, overwhelmed, and intense person, these 12 hours a week are absolutely essential to me. It is during these hours that I find time to write. And run errands, have coffee or lunch with girlfriends, exercise, clean the house, or take a nap.
There was a time when I felt extremely guilty about these “unnecessary” hours that my toddler was in childcare. Then I reminded myself of two things: not only am I a better mother when I give myself the me-time that is virtually impossible when the rest of the family is around, my daughter is absolutely thriving in this environment. She has learned so much, she has blossomed developmentally, and she is always so excited to arrive at First Steps.
Now let’s get something straight: I am by no means condemning moms who stay home all day with their kids, or moms who choose to homeschool. I am not suggesting that kids who do not have early exposure to a “classroom/learning” environment will be delayed in any way or socially lag behind their peers.
Sophie puts her babies “night-night”.
Here is what I am saying: This situation works for our family. It works for me, and it works for my daughter, with our unique needs and temperaments. And if there is anyone out there who would like to find a similar scenario for their family but feels too guilty to pursue it, I say this: follow your instincts and do what you need to do. For some of us, finding a nurturing environment for our children to spend time away from us is an absolutely beautiful thing. Thanks, Teresa, for making this possible for us. We do not take you for granted.
*If you’d like to see a fantastic video of lunch being served at First Steps, check this out!
Thanks Steph! That was so wonderful! I have tears in my eyes. I do not take you for granted either, my friend! It has been a wonderful 7 years since we met that snowy day when I started to take care of Izzy! Love you a bunch!
Love you too- and thank YOU!
Really a nice post. It was interesting to see the daycare center, and surprising to see that only six children were allowed. That really give proper supervision and attention to the kids. And no, you’re not a terrible person for wanting your “alone” time. Hell, I like it when my wife works a couple of nights a week so that I can do some of the same. lol Good job!
Rich- HA! I feel the same way! 😉
Teresa is truly a blessing! Thanks for sharing this Stephanie, I couldn’t have said it better. 5 years later, Sarah, who also attended during the same time Izzy did, still references her times at Teresa’s. Teresa helped me to transition into child care as much as she facilitated it for Sarah. I couldn’t have found a better place for her to be. Love you Teresa!
I second that Michelle! She is a gift!
Even though I stay at home with my kids, I am sending them (Emma now and Lily, too starting next year) to pre-school at 3 years old instead of just at 4 years old, because I thought the socialization skills were definitely important. I see how much Emma loves her teachers and her friends, too. She goes in ery eager and sometimes forgets to even kiss me goodbye. So, I do get your post on some levels and glad that this situation works for your family 🙂
I am always BLOWN AWAY by what kids will do in those structured environments simply because it is part of the routine. This is a great post in every way. 🙂
Thank you so much for your supportive words! xo
I think that daycare is a good outlet for children to interact with each other and learn too. On that, I’m glad that your little girl feels secure with you!! Keep it going!
Thanks Michelle!
When my son — who’s almost two — started preschool, I had no idea how much I would grow to love the school and his teachers. It seemed just critical (for a lot of reasons that Stephanie describes) for me to have more time to write and finish my dissertation. There was no way that I could do that with a toddler in the house all day. But his preschool isn’t just daycare for us. He has learned so much and grown so much in just these few months. And I’ve grown to care about and trust his teachers, who adore my son and have gotten to know every little quirk of his personality. When you find the right fit, preschool is just amazing!
Well put, Jessica. It has become so much more than childcare for us. It is a huge part of our lives.
I’ve been a SAHM since my youngest was born, and I did feel guilty about having the kids go to preschool when they could be home with me. Like you, that guilt was assuaged as soon as I witnessed how much they enjoyed being with their peers and with another nurturing caregiver. I’m so glad you found a daycare you and your daughters love!
Thanks Dana! It is definitely affirming to see our kids thrive in another environment!
First, can I please squeeze those adorable toddler cheeks?!!!
I love that you give this place a well-deserved shout-out. I feel like childcare/daycare does so much for the kids, and yet society looks at mother who send their kids (either by choice or by force) as less than stellar parents. SO unfair. Social skills, empathy, sharing, and other invaluable skills are honed at places like this; I think it’s safe to say that’s not less-than-stellar!
Thanks Stephanie! I’m sure not all facilities are fantastic, but I feel great about ours!
I completely second the daycare option, especially if it gives you much needed time to do your thing! Period!
Thanks Roshni!
I couldn’t agree with you more. My daughter was in a small home daycare since she was 14 months, 3 days a week. And my son has been in the same home daycare since he was 3 months old.
I wish I could be home with them fulltime, but I just can’t afford it. But they have thrived in their little home daycare. It is so fun for them. They get socializing, they learn, do art, play outside, celebrate birthdays with their friends and more.
I do have a hard time sending my children to a large daycare center. I know there are wonderful daycare centers out there. But I just felt like it was too overwhelming for my little babies. Or rather too overwhelming for me. So we chose a little home daycare where it felt like going to grandma’s. And we love it.
Thank you so much for sharing that! It is wonderful to hear other success stories, and I’m glad you have had such a good experience!
You are SO AWESOME. I’m a little behind as I’ve had to work a lot this week, but always, Friend, your posts inspire me, make me smile and give me a little tear. I love that you found such a perfect place to trust with Sophie. I went to Montessori myself and would SO have Tucker in one if he didn’t need the ABA therapy.
When they are not hilarious, your posts are always thought provoking and genuine. I’ve nominated you for a Liebster award. I know you’ve received one before and if it’s too much work I totally get it, but it was just a token of my appreciation of your writing. If you want to view/accept the nomination please go to: http://iamthemilk.wordpress.com/2013/03/28/22-things-you-didnt-know-you-wanted-to-know-about-me-and-1-award-nomination/
Thank you so much for such a nice compliment, and thank you for the award! I am so honored, and I can’t wait to check it out!
Just a clarification, the “Zoe” in this post is my awesome assistant, Zsariel. She wanted you to know her real name and that she is available for babysitting if you live in the Denver metro area. Thanks Zsariel! You’re awesome!
I didn’t want to publish her name without her permission! I will change it since she has given the OK!
This post was so interesting to me because I’m a stay at home mom with no “real” reason to have a sitter or daycare for my young son (17 months), except for my sanity! Right now we only have the funds for a sitter two mornings a week while my older daughter is at preschool, but this makes me think we should consider a school for him in the fall… It would be awesome to find a place like the one you describe! Hopefully we can find something both affordable and nurturing. I think you’re VERY lucky to have such a great place to send your daughter. Like you said, not all daycares are that ideal!
I think sending kids to daycare, even part time, is such an important part of their development. They need to learn to be around other kids with different backgrounds and issues. They need to learn authority other than their parents, because they need to learn when an adult speaks, they listen….not just when it’s their parent.
Good for you for seeing all the positive things in daycare and how it’s affecting your baby girl. I’m glad you’ve found a place you love, and that she loves even more. 🙂
I’m so happy you have found what works for your family and that you can explain so joyously why it works without judgment of others. Awesome. My child started Montessori at age 2 and it was fun to remember that confidence that came with independence that you describe so well. Thanks!
Thanks so much Shannan! So glad you stopped by, and that you have experienced the Montessori awesomeness too!