Last week, Finish the Sentence Friday’s theme was essentially: A Day in The Life. I chose to write about my job for several reasons: one, I had just launched my new website, Music With Miss Stephanie, and I am all about cross-promotion, and two, I was lazy. Choosing that post was a nice excuse to recycle something I had already written. Sorry.
As my day on Friday unfolded, however, I realized that I was kind of sad about not writing a post detailing the events of my actual day. Blame my friends Kate, Pam, Jean, and Jessica for writing such perfect synopses about their days with their kids.
So, in my usual two hours late for the party fashion, (I’m speaking metaphorically. I would never be late to someone’s actual party. I am a cheerleader for punctuality. Being late sucks. And it’s rude. Sorry to offend any tardy party people.) I am going to write my Day in the Life post today. Sue me. Forgive me.
2:25 am: I wake up briefly as I realize that I have been clutching one of my ear plugs in my fist for an unknown period of time, and I have somehow put it into my mouth. Perhaps I am dreaming about food. My subconscious higher-self takes immediate notice and miraculously helps my sleeping hand to remove said earplug from my mouth within a few seconds.
6:32 am: I can hear my toddler hollering, “Mommy!” from her crib and mercifully note that my husband has gotten out of bed to retrieve her.
6:42 am: My toddler is now grabbing my nipple along with a handful of my tank top in order to provide leverage for herself, ungracefully writhing and still in her sleep sack.
6:55 am: My toddler grabs a handful of boob for the second time. Apparently Mommy needs to get dressed.
7:10 am: My house looks like the “After” picture from a natural disaster. The floor is strewn with a strange combination of Polly Pockets, antique necklaces (from Great-Grandma for playing dress-up), and an egg poacher, along with the individual egg poaching cups.
7:45 am: I am trying to put on my makeup without my toddler seeing what I am doing, in order to avoid her climbing into my lap while I struggle with my mascara. She decides to start rifling through my nightstand instead, and I am relieved.
7:48 am: I hear a familiar low thrumming. Oh, hell no. I brace myself and turn around, only to discover that my toddler is playing with the battery-powered hand-held massager. Phew. That was a close one.
8:45 am: Toddler and I drop off big sis, and head to Mommy’s place of employment.
9:15 am: The next two and a half hours are spent dealing with other people’s children, which is somehow much easier than dealing with my own.
11:45 am: I am changing my daughter’s diaper, which is sagging down to her knees, resembling a buxom octogenarian’s décolletage. When I set her down and turn around to retrieve our supplies, she has dipped one of my maracas into the toilet.
12:30 pm: On our way out of the building, we cross paths with a mom and her two young boys. Here I an excerpt of dialogue.
- My 18 month old (to the youngest boy): “Balls! Tee!” (She is showing him her three golf balls. Oh, I forgot to include the bit where she dropped her golf balls in the parking lot on our way into the building, as of course she insisted on carrying all three, and I loudly said, “Crap!” and some guy ran after them. I digress.)
- 20 month old boy (to my daughter): “Cars!”
- His mom: “ ?” (appearing puzzled)
- Me: (explaining) “She’s showing him her golf balls and he’s showing her his car.”
- His mom: (Walking out the door) “Don’t pick those flowers!”
- Me: “Don’t touch that ashtray!”
- Me: “It sure takes a long time to get anywhere at this pace!”
- His mom: Mumbles unintelligibly. Is apparently not interested in bonding over our mutual toddlers.
Wearing Mommy’s shoes
12:45 pm: TGIN! (Thank God it’s Naptime!)
2:30 pm: The Party is Over.
2:45 pm: We read Pooh’s Honeybees four times. My daughter repeats the word, “Yeah” after every sentence. “Pooh wants some honey.” Yeah.” The honeybees know where to find honey!” Yeah.
OK, I quit. That’s all I can handle. To summarize the rest of our day, we pick up the big kid, take her to dance, three of us eat dinner and one of us throws food all over the floor, rush through bath and bedtime, and collapse on the couch to eat sweets that we don’t allow our children to have. I write this post on Facebook.
The End
This disturbing decapitated Polly Pockets doll was on the bathroom floor. Creepy.
Now go read those four posts I linked to- they are way better than this one.
Bedtime does require a nice glass of wine. Seriously with my two I am so not kidding, lol!! Loved reading about your day with your kids and I hate how sometimes I will read a post and wish I would have tackled it from that angle versus the one I did. I know I have so been there, but think both your posts were great!! 🙂
Oh, I love this! Life with a toddler. Oh, my. My house always looks like the “After” picture from a natural disaster. And we definitely assume every night that bath time and bed time will require a glass of wine. Recently my son gets this amazing burst of energy in the last half hour or so before bed, and he’s like a crazy wind-up toy that won’t stop moving.
Was there a George Foreman grill down there with the egg poachers? Sorry… had a flash to an episode of the Office (Mommy watches too much TV). The upside of a messy house is chance to appear on the Messy House Edition they do on My Life and Kids. 😉 You a normal Mommy-I enjoyed both of your posts! XO.
I think the George Foreman finally got dragged out to the garage, and five years or more of not being used- HA! I am totally inspired by the Messy House Edition!
Ah, life with a toddler…maddening yet exciting!! And hilarious too. Thanks for sharing, Stephanie!
Love this post! Sounds a little too familiar, except the “toddler” is my very big and strong 3 year old son. I get it. Totally get it.
I love the octogenarian/saggy diaper image. And dipping mascara in the toilet just makes it cleaner, right?
One can hope… Thanks, Dana!
LOL. It’s sad because I don’t have these days anymore…and when I did, I was jealous of moms like me…and now I’m one of those moms and I miss it. Sick sick cycle.
Yeah, that cycle is a total joke. Not fair.
The only kind of Poly Pocket I can get behind is a decapitated one. I hate them and their tiny rubber shoes and difficult to put on rubber dresses. BAH!
Hope you enjoyed that wine! 🙂 –Lisa
“resembling a buxom octogenarian’s décolletage” Hahahaha! That rules. It’s funny, you say dealing with other people’s kids is way easier than dealing with your own… I totally get that. My patients’ (adult) kids always say how patient I am. Well, it’s not my mom, number one, and number two, I’m on the clock, which helps a lot!
I’m tired just reading. But the mention of Petite Syrah perked me right up.
*clink*
LOL! I laughed out loud in several places: The earplug!, sagging diaper, conversation with not-interested mom, and how you gave up 3/4 through. And the Polly Pockets doll. My daughter has ONE of those and it is in five parts. Torso, one leg, other leg, front of panties, back of panties. Not sure how she did that one. And thanks for the shout-out!
I’m actually very happy to be past these days. But 6 seems to bring along it’s own set of challenges with my second son. UGH! 🙂
Not nearly as bad as what my 21 year old surprises me with all the time:
“Mom, I have a girlfriend.” “Great. Hope she makes you happy. Don’t get pregnant!”
Two months later…
“Mom, my girlfriend is pregnant.” “W!T!F!”
A month later…
“Mom, she cheated on me and I don’t know if it’s mine…” more “W!T!F!”
After the baby is born…
“Mom, my girlfriend broke up with me and she won’t let me see the kid.” “…..”
“Mom, I got my orders, I’m deploying to Afghanistan in the summer.” “Keep your head down and come back alive. Love you.”
Enjoy the precious moments while you can. 🙂
You get a ‘Stop it’ for…
6:42 am (nipple tug sisterhood)
7:48am (HA)
9:15am (so true that more patience is extended towards other people’s kids)
12:30pm (awkward mom conversations)
Doll destruction.
I’m not there with the doll destruction because the baby is still content with chewing on my son’s cars but now I’m afraid of the creepiness to come. I think you should save it and turn it into some sort of Pinterest-y craft for Halloween.
That could describe any day here in our household. Today’s joy was introducing my toddler to the potty I hope he will one day choose to use. He spent 15 minutes pushing it around the kitchen floor, tossing it end over end and taking it apart. Did I mention I bought it used? Yeah, I had to grab the Lysol wipes and go to work making sure it was clean(er) as he was pulling it apart. Ugh.
although a somewhat… specialized topic, I was delighted to see the photo of the doll on the floor was included and shows as ‘the lead photo” when I share out… (as photos go…sort of Christina’s World for the disturbing 21st Century…lol)
I do get the the odd thing about how other people react/respond to an exactly matching situation in surprisingly different ways… actually I should say it differently. The people who *do not* appear to have anything like a similar appreciation of life-events of the sort you have written about here must have very boring lives.
Love how you petered out by 2:45. Plus, I’m impressed that you even created a timeline of your day – me? Lazy all the time. And glad you didn’t choke on the earplug in your mouth because that would have seriously sucked.
Hysterical and just a typical day (nice combo Steph). I don’t know which teeth grinding moment I enjoyed more- the ear plug in the mouth (Thank God you woke up) or the non-exchange with the other mother (classic). But the polly pocket, I think, says it all. Don’t you jus feel like that doll sometimes- head in one place- body in another?
Few things are more enjoyable than listening to toddler talk! Somehow, someway, it makes sense in their worlds! 🙂
This is HILARIOUS!!! 🙂 I’m Laughing My A$$ OFF
7:48 am: I hear a familiar low thrumming. Oh, hell no. I brace myself and turn around, only to discover that my toddler is playing with the battery-powered hand-held massager. Phew. That was a close one.
I was SO hoping someone would like (and get) that part! Knew I could count on you, friend! 😉