I try to make gratitude a daily practice. I am not a religious person, and I do not consider myself to be a “pray-er.” But every night before I go to bed, I reflect on the things I am grateful for and visualize what I’d like the following day to be like. I begin with a mantra of thanks– for my children, my husband, our health, our home– and then I imagine what experiences or qualities I’d like to experience in the next day. I generally visualize patience, presence, remembering to take the time to connect lovingly with each of my children. I set an intention for productivity, inspiration, balance, grounded-ness, and while I’m at it, another dose of patience, please.
I like to think of this as my bedtime meditation, but I suppose it’s its own sort of prayer. I lift these thoughts and intentions to the universe, the Great Mother, my own version of what a cosmic deity might encapsulate.
It is important for me to end the day this way; I have a hard time preaching gratitude to people when it’s clear I spend a lot of time complaining. In fact, I have developed a sort of platform on the therapeutic value of venting. (Complaining!– it’s not just for ingrates and assholes!) I recently received a comment on my post What I’d Like to Tell My Childless Friends, But Won’t where the author gently chastised me for my sarcastic remarks, indicating that the humor cloaked a lack of gratitude and thoughtfulness. I responded very politely, but once again referred to my belief that parents sharing their frustrations and revealing that their lives with their kids aren’t all kisses and snuggle-fests has an innate value. Connecting with other people about our common gripes– be they parenting challenges, workplace concerns, or even more serious struggles like grief or loss– can actually be a positive thing.
But still I try to begin and end my day from a place of thankfulness. Some days are easier than others to maintain a positive mindset. My daughters have been sick for, oh, I don’t know- months, it seems, and last night our toddler coughed all night long. Literally. All. Night. Long. Every few minutes, another coughing jag would begin. We barely slept at all, and when we did manage to fall asleep, we were repeatedly awakened in a stupor to the disturbing soundtrack of our youngest child coughing and crying. It was awful.
The following morning, I canceled my music class, bailed on a “working brunch” that I’d been eagerly anticipating, and instead of exercising and cleaning the house, I kept my daughter home from childcare and scheduled a doctor’s appointment. I was exhausted, nearly hallucinating from the lack of sleep. I burned my bagel, dropped or tripped over nearly everything I came into contact with, babbled incoherently during phone calls, and wandered mindlessly from room to room in search of whatever mysterious purpose had brought me there.
My toddler, however, was full of energy and zest. She dumped out all the dirty washcloths and dishtowels from the laundry basket, laid them out on the floor, and then soaked them in the bathroom sink, all the while cheerfully murmuring, “Dammit! Dammit! When I raced to the kitchen to fill her sippy cup with water, I returned to find her coloring on her sister’s clothing with a highlighter she’d swiped from my night table. Sophie- 2; Mommy- 0.
Sophie insisted on bringing five (5!) stuffed puppies into the doctor’s office. As I carried her on my hip through the parking lot, she proceeded to drop a different puppy approximately every five seconds. Bending into a deep squat to retrieve it, my mom-purse would swing from my shoulder, bashing into both of us. Over and over. By the third puppy drop, I began to giggle uncontrollably. Sophie, sensing my mirth, beamed and chanted, “Too many guys! We have too many guys!” My good humor was returning. Slowly. As it turned out, in addition to her cough and runny nose, Sophie had an ear infection- her first ever.
Did I mention the previous night I’d dropped my iPhone into the toilet, (yes, I realize what an atrocious practice it is to bring my phone to the bathroom) resulting in a phone that, while able to send and receive texts and emails, was absolutely useless for making phone calls. An unfortunate condition on a day when I knew I would be home for hours with a sick child.
As I moved throughout the day, I tried to count my blessings amongst the struggles. At least it’s just an ear infection- it could be worse. Hey, she could’ve brought seven puppies! At least she wasn’t coloring on my clothes!
Poor Sophie fell asleep on the couch watching The Wiggles- unheard of!
During this month, many people try to step up their grateful game, listing the things they are thankful for even daily. For whatever reason, I have not joined them. But I look forward to our Thanksgiving dinner, when our tradition– like many other families’– is to take turns sharing what we are thankful for. In addition to the big ones, the things that are somewhat constant like family, health, and our jobs, I enjoy naming the things that I am thankful for right now.
Right now, I am thankful for…
- The fact that my toddler still loves to hug and snuggle me. It’s often the best part of my day.
- The fact that ear infections and head colds are our family’s biggest health concerns.
- My fantastic writing partner, Jessica, and knowing that we are so very close to the launch of our very first book- The HerStories Project: Women Explore the Joy, Pain, and Power of Female Friendship.
- My incredible parents, who will be joining us for ten days. Not to mention the fact that we love their visits- a sentiment I am well aware not everyone feels about having company.
- My friends. I get something different and essential from every single one of them.
- The upcoming week of self-imposed internet radio silence. I always cherish my blog breaks. This time, when I return from a solid week of unplugging (to the best of my ability, of course) I will be announcing the release of our book!
Two happy, healthy girls
What are you thankful for this holiday season?
This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post.
This week’s sentence was: “Right now I am grateful for…”
December 6th’s sentence is: “One of my favorite childhood memories is…”
Your hosts:
Me
Janine at Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kristi at Finding Ninee
Kate at Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?
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I hope Sophie is feeling better and I know we had both girls sick last month a week apart and I remember just feeling a bit helpless. I hate seeing my girls sick, but I also was so tired myself from the lack of sleep from them being sick and then I got it on top of everything. So, I am truly hoping for a healthy and wonderful Thanksgiving next week for you all. My fingers are crossed here now.
Yes, here’s hoping for a healthy Thanksgiving all around!
Oh! Every mom groans as she relates to the dropping/picking up/5 puppy routine! This sounds like a stressful day. I’m so sorry. But it’s nice to be able to reflect on the positive and even laugh a little about it. I always say, you’ve either got to laugh or cry on days like that. It’s nice that you picked laughing.
Thanks Elizabeth- yep, laugh or cry! I know- the puppy dropping is classic, right?
I linked to that post in my latest post- I hope I didn’t send that your way 🙁
Ha! Even if you did, oh well! People find that one via search engines all the time- it’s my most popular post. Likely it was just some angry person googling “childless people” or “sanctimonious mothers who suck” and found it. xoxo
I think this is the perfect perfectness to be thankful for. I had to bring my son to the doctor on Tuesday after being called from the school. Pink eye. Now, there’s a school-wide bulletin going out about the early warning signs of pink eye because of me not realizing it soon enough and exposing my kid to others (I SWEAR he was FINE that morning and it’s somebody else’s fault). Karma got me today with a 101 fever and the cold that I’ve dismissed as “not that bad” in my son for the last five days. Just to remind me what it’s like. Love that you were able to laugh on your way to the docs and that Sophie realized you have “too many guys!” 🙂
W.T.F!!! I am sick now, too. I lost my voice during music class today and it wasn’t pretty. As I type, Sophie is hacking up a lung in her crib. If I’d had to write this post today, the lightheartedness and gratitude would have taken a backseat to my pissed off-ness. 🙁
I’m so sorry about the pink eye. What a joke. Love you!!!
Well, you knew I would love this one! I love your evening ritual. And I am working on trying to laugh through the frustrations, because that is often all we can do. I hope everyone gets back to health soon. {I am also looking forward to the week of not-blogging! I need a break!}
I almost linked to your post that I loved so much about not-exactly-praying, and then I was so exhausted I forgot about it. That sucks. I’m sorry! I’m glad you liked it, though! Enjoy your off-week!
I’m sorry your little one is sick! The story about all “the guys” and hitting yourself with the purse was so hilarious to me because it was so easy to visualize because that is pretty much my life anytime I go anywhere! 🙂
I know- “the guys” totally cracks me up. And thank you- we have GOT to get healthy soon!!!
So many good things. Am so impressed for your week of being unplugged. And can’t wait to hear the news about your book. Gratitude does help to turn a day of complaining around. And like you — good health is always at the top of my list and can never be taken for granted.
Thanks so much, Jamie! Hoping I can stick to that “unplugged” thing and not turn it into “unplugged-ish.” 😉 We are excited about the book, too!
Aw, poor Sophie. I hope she’s feeling better. I was dying at the dropped puppies – laughing out loud! I have been there! That’s so cute that she said, too many guys. So funny.
I have no idea why she said “guys,” but it was just what I needed to prevent me from flipping out! She’s still coughing, ugh. And now, so am I. Good grief.
Thank you for the reminder to focus on the good, despite struggles! The iPhone in the toilet, I think that would have been the straw for sure 🙂
On a positive note, my iPhone made a full recovery! Hooray! Thanks, Kelly! 🙂
Awe…
No matter how shitty my day is going or what I’m doing, I know that when I got to get my boys from daycare, they’ll both see me and yell “daddy” while running to hug my legs and that makes my whole day worth living for.
Well put, my friend. Can’t wait to see what you came up with this week…
You know, I tend to be good at being thankful for the big things, but sometimes I get a good kick in the pants that lets me know I need to slow down and pay attention. Too many good things happening in little bits that I shouldn’t let pass me by.
Loved the visual of the purse sliding off your shoulder and dropping the dogs … of course it brought images of that kind of thing happening to me too! Glad that brought back your sense of humor. Funny how that works sometimes!
Thank you so much for that- I am the same way. So hard to slow down and pay attention… Glads the purse/dogs brought you a smile!
Gorgeous. And in spite of your ‘platform about complaining’ the way you write about your children so beautifully and you do so, so many things to try to keep going with the positives and the thankfulness and mindfulness, even in the midst of stress…that’s truly beautiful. Kudos to you 🙂
I hope Sophie recovers quickly, and that you thoroughly enjoy your week of ‘unplugged’
Thank you so much for that comment, Lizzi. You have no idea how much that means to me.
Oh, I hope she’s doing better. The part where you giggled about picking up the toys was so inspirational – I might have been frustrated in your place. But reading this reminds me that there’s so much we can always be thankful for!
Thanks for that- she is doing better, but man, this cold is taking forever to run its course!
Personally, I enjoy honesty from mothers about the reality of motherhood…I especially enjoy it when it is funny, but that is just me! 😉 Good for you for unplugging next week…everyone needs those breaks! I love the practice of ending the day with gratitude. :)-Ashley
Thank you for that, Ashley. I really appreciate it! And I can’t WAIT to unplug. At least mostly unplug… 🙂
Love it! That picture of Sophie is just precious. I love your ritual – I try to remember to be thankful, but don’t have a ritual that I use. Hope you enjoy your blogging break! I’m taking a little one next week, too!
Enjoy your break, too! Thanks, Lisa!
Poor little Sophie! Ear infections are terrible! And I’m thankful that your phone is making a recovery. And, of course, I’m thankful for you too!
Thanks, my friend! And I am beyond thrilled that my phone recovered!
Gosh, I really love this post. I mean, I REALLY love it. I am going to try your thankfulness bedtime routine.
Thank you so much for that! I really appreciate it!
I started to giggle reading this right about the same time you started to giggle. Just as an FYI, those ear infections are something to stay on top of if it becomes chronic. I was shocked at a visit to the ER in my late 20s-early 30s for an injury or some sort that while doing a general workup – temp, bp, looking in my ears, etc., that the doctor commented on my having had so many ear infections. I suffered miserably with them as a kid but was blown away by how she could know that in seeing me for 2 minutes. She commented on how much scarring there is in my ears and how it affects my hearing. That stuck me as funny since growing up, everyone referred to me as the bionic ear. Wonder what I’d be hearing without all that scarring! That was also when I learned that infection actually caused scarring in the first place – never knew that.
I had an awful ear infection myself last year- I thought my eardrum would rupture. My hearing was affected for over a month! Fortunately, this is Sophie’s first one, and I really hope she doesn’t get another for a long, long time. Her sister (knock on wood) has been pretty lucky so far, at age 7, to have only had a few. Thanks for the heads-up!
I got so much out of this post that I don’t even know where to start!
First of all, I hope I’m not starting to freak you out, but I also do a pre-sleep gratitude list. While I LOVE the idea of setting intentions for the next day (and I want to try that tonight), I often don’t even make it through my gratitude list as I fall asleep for the precise same reasons you’ve described here. So many of my days look like that day followed by a horrible night you’ve described in your post. You relaying your adventures that day? Prime example of the importance of the supportive (dare I say healing) power of hearing other moms describe their own similar predicaments. I’m sorry, Steph, that some readers don’t get it and use it as an opportunity to elevate themselves in their own eyes. I am such an avid supporter of your take on this – complaining to other moms is OK, it doesn’t cancel out our gratitude just like complaining about our jobs doesn’t mean we prefer to be jobless (usually).
Finally, I can’t not say anything about “too many guys”. That was just SO cute and hilarious.
Loved, loved, loved.
I love that we have that in common, too! (And creepy? Pshaw…) Thank you for your empathetic words about the commenting- that means a lot to me. And I know- “guys”- adorable. You can’t make that stuff up. 🙂
xoxo
Falling asleep during the Wiggles is a dead giveaway! Lol. That’s how I know mine are sick for real. If they fall asleep on the couch while the tv on then it’s legit.
Right?!
I like the way that you were able to be grateful nonetheless, Stephanie… notice that maybe you missed your workout, but your daughter bringing all FIVE of her stuffed animals meant you got in some squats! There is comfort in knowing that your health problems have an end and aren’t ongoing. Thank you for sharing!
I totally thought that during the puppy-dropping; the squats were brutal, and most definitely a workout! Thanks, April!
My wife calls it her decompression time.. so i let her do everything she needs to do, before she sleeps and then wakes up to do what she needs to do the next morning.
You are so right- it is totally decompression time! Thanks for your comment!
I am grateful for the incredible welcome we receive from our grandchildren, daughter, and son-in-law, each and every time we visit. And their honest welcome and happiness that we are spending – yes, 10 days with them, continues throughout our entire visit. You can’t ask for much more than THAT kind of love.
We are so grateful for you- you have no idea.
This is beautifully written – it took me back to those days when my children would rarely have a “window of health.” Yes, an ear infection isn’t so bad in the big picture but it is still a nasty bug. Why do they always seem to happen at night? I always seemed to be calling the doc in the middle of the night. So great when she was actually on call and I could chat with someone who knew me!
Here’s hoping you have a wonderful, healthy Thanksgiving. Enjoy your blog free week.
What a great list of things for which to be thankful! And I was laughing at the image of Sophie chanting “Too many guys!” 🙂
Oh this is just so awesome- because it defines motherhood in every single way. I have lived through those nights times a thousand with my asthmatic kids. And the doctor appointments with fifteen toys and dress up clothes- and the wired kids that wreak havoc as you mindnumbingly try to survive your days…
And yet- we can still find gratitude. It helps. Always.
I read this on Friday on my phone, and totally forgot to comment until now. So I reread, and the puppies and purse routine made me giggle again. I’m thankful for that, and for being a part of your awesome book, and for only one more early morning before five days of sleeping in. Aaahhh…….
I remember the comment you’re referring to on another of your posts. I think it’s sad that not all parents do this thang with a sense of humor. Man, we will drown in our own tears if we can’t laugh, and that’s why I’M thankful for this thing called blogging. Never would’ve found you or so many others had I not logged into WordPress one cold day two years ago 😉 You deserve your week o’ silence–ENJOY! xo
I share the same nightly ritual of running through what I was thankful for that day. I’m not a pray-er either, but doing this helps me realize just how fortunate I am, and I think it works. Sometimes I think I’m the luckiest person ever, even though I know bad things happen to me.
Today I’m really grateful that all three kids slept through the night without a peep or a cough or a bathroom break. And I’m grateful that I ate a Kit Kat bar at 7am.