Do you remember those first few weeks at home after having a baby? I’m sure we can all vaguely recall the things our friends and family members did that we were ridiculously grateful for, and we can probably also remember the things people said or did that pissed us off or hurt our feelings.

I will never forget when my best friend came to visit me in the hospital after my oldest daughter was born. She sat behind me in my hospital bed and gave me the best massage I have ever had. It was the kindest thing she could have done for me.

There’s no magic formula for helping your postpartum friends feel cared for, but I’ll say this: bringing food helps. I’m sharing my advice on 10 Ways to Actually Help Your Friend Who’s a New Mom at Scary Mommy today. Here’s an excerpt:

9. Pretend you don’t notice her kid’s baby acne. Or the unfortunate receding hairline her old man-baby is sporting. Don’t ask her things like, “Should his head still be cone-shaped?” And under no circumstances should you say something like “That’s weird,” when she talks about her baby’s eating, feeding, pooping, or Wiggles video preferences. No judgment. NO. JUDGMENT.

10. Don’t rain on her parade. Nobody who just had a baby needs to hear that “this is the easy part!” (Cough, it totally is.) Don’t share horror stories of your potty training hell, your irrational threenager, or your tween nightmare. Save it. STFU. If it’s her first kid, she’s gone from taking care of herself to a life of exhaustion, baby feeding, and ass-wiping overnight. She does not need a snapshot of what lies ahead… Read more at Scary Mommy!

Scary Mommy

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