I deserve a medal for the time I kept a straight face while uttering the following sentence,
We do not put our labias on the rug.
Yes. I authoritatively declared that in our family, it officially goes against code to put our collective private parts on carpets of any kind.
In fact, it is sort of mind-boggling the unfortunate utterances that have come out of my mouth without me even batting an eye. Here’s another doozy I recently unleashed, in public, none the less:
I will admit, I often fail to maintain my composure when one of my kids says something inappropriate, like last week when my toddler demonstrated her empathy  after I told her I was crying because I lost something, and she replied, “Oh dammit.”
Or when I burst out laughing when she was “disciplining” her older sister:
I know it’s important that I hide any signs of amusement, otherwise known as parenting weakness, when my kids are misbehaving or being obnoxious, but sometimes I just can’t help myself. I also resist the urge to giggle when my toddler begins to wax philosophical about her own lack of penis, or exclaims with enthusiasm when pointing out my nipples. I know it’s juvenile, but every once in awhile, I try to imagine if I were just walking into the scene, how surreal our family conversations would be, and it makes me laugh.
I had a fit of giggles last week when one of my friends shared her own absurd moment in parenting, when she told her child not to “put the carrots in your bottom.” Come to think of it, it seems that many of my straight-face struggles have to do with body parts or toileting. One of my most popular posts, (apparently people Google “talking to kids about private parts” a lot, leading them to my blog. I deserve a medal for that too, I think.) South of the Border, chronicles my dilemma with how accurate and specific I should be when teaching my daughters about their anatomy.
So many of the things that come out of my mouth on a daily basis are absurd, stating the obvious, or worthy of hysterical laughter, and yet I say them nonchalantly all the time.
- Please don’t put that applesauce in your underwear.
- We don’t sit on the trampoline with our bare hiney.
- Foot is for our mouth, not our toes.
- Or, ahem, yogurt is NOT lotion. See exhibit a:
I guess my point is, so much of our daily experience as parents is utter ridiculousness. Things that may have seemed odd, out of place, or inappropriate a decade ago are now just part of the wallpaper of our lives. Here’s another case in point- a disturbing scene brought to you by The Unstaged Encounters of Barbie and Ken:
 Life with kids is filled with all kinds of craziness one would have never expected. I’m leading up to something here… wait for it…
On Monday, I will be joined by several of my best blog friends to showcase some of these experiences!  Prepare to be entertained by Katia of IAMTHEMILK, Jean of Mama Schmama, Kristi of Finding Ninee, Jen of My Skewed View… and maybe more! Stop back in a few days to witness our first group post- What You Didn’t Expect When You Were Expecting!Â
Welcome Back to Finish the Sentence Friday!
Your hosts:
Mefrom Mommy, for Real
Kristi from Finding Ninee
Janine from Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kate from Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?
- Follow Your Hosts, If You Like, and Anyone Else You Find On the List!
- Make Sure to Read and Comment on at Least Two Other Posts.
- Share Your Favorites on Facebook and/or Twitter Using the Hashtag #FTSF.
- Link Up Your Posts Below with This Week’s Sentence Prompt.
- Hop around and have fun!
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Next week’s sentence is:Â “The bravest thing I’ve ever done is….”
You already know from the boobies tale, I have trouble keeping a straight face when my kids say or do something that is absurd. So, I was reading this and of course felt right at home and nodding at so much of what you were saying. Everyday it is something else that I find myself shaking my head to and seriously can’t believe the things they do say or do. Never quite expected much of this when I did become a parent, but here I am, too!
Never a dull moment, huh?
HaHa!! So true!! Can’t wait for that group post – I’m sure it will be awesome! 🙂
I think it will be fun!
This is awesome! Your girls will get a laugh out of this when they are older, I’m sure. Reminds me of the other day when we had a guy working at our house. I was showing him the basement with my toddler in my arms while she pointed at my chest and went “Boo boo! Boo boo!” Um, yeah…
Tee hee! Life with kids is awesome…. And let’s hope the girls laugh someday about this!
Why is Ken doing that on the piano? I can’t stop giggling about that. So excited to see what we are all mysteriously doing on Monday.
I know- I giggled about Ken all day… Can’t wait til Monday! (Except that, I can.)
Oh Ken. I always knew you were a pervert at heart. 😉
Whenever I ask my 2.5 y/o if she needs to pee on the potty, she screams and then says, “I PEE DIAPER!” I have no idea what that makes me laugh so much, but I ask her over and over again. I’m probably not helping with the whole potty training thing, but I’m not too upset about that right now.
And whenever she gets upset about something and starts to cry and I ask what’s wrong, she says, “THAT’S OKAY!” in between sobs. It’s really hard not to laugh.
I’m going to hell…
Bwahaha! I am laughing, too.
I am going to hell as well. Save me a seat and a drink, will ya? 🙂
OMG how kickass are YOU for highlighting our collaboration on Monday while also totally entertaining me about everything else? As in…yogurt is not a lotion (to this day my kid refuses to TRY yogurt and I know he’d love it)…to WTF is Ken doing a pelvic thrust for on your piano?
Yeah, that pelvic thrust killed me- SO NOT staged, either! Um, not really kickass, mostly needed to find something to fit into this post. Can’t wait for it though! Your post today was like my favorite thing- ever.
Oh Stephanie, this made me laugh so hard. I have said some ridiculous things too. Like the time when Liam was hitting Abby with his xylophone mallet, and she got mad that he was banging her. I actually yelled, “Stop banging your sister!” Good advice in all contexts.
And your comment made ME laugh so hard. That is priceless.
Oh WOW! I’d love to walk into one of those nonchalantly spouted doozies! I’m surprised you manage to make it through without creasing up laughing!
The group post on Monday sounds like fun 🙂
It should be interesting! Thanks Lizzi!
This may just be my favorite post of yours to date. Boom.
No! I thought it would be total garbage. I love you even more now.
I love it…think it’s awesome that you use the correct words for their body parts. It gives them ownership and pride and tends to give them more power in uncertain situations. At least that is what I believe and talk to Dino about, yes you can touch your penis and testicles, but only in the privacy of you room, they belong to you and no one else.
As parents we say the weirdest, strangest, most embarrassing things with such composure and grace…hysterical, right?
Thanks for that- I try hard to use the “right words” but for some reason I still get the giggles sometimes. You are right about the power it gives them.
Crying with laughter at Ken on the piano. We have naked Barbies all over our house! 😉 And the things that you say so casually totally made me laugh…isn’t it amazing what we find ourselves saying without even thinking about it! ;)-Ashley
I used to refer to our bathtub as a “lesbian pool party!” because of the naked Barbies with their arms outstretched, stuck inside the soap dish! So hilarious…
(*because*, Kristi, he was deprived by his Manufacturer of certain qualities and characteristics)
Medal do seem called for, certainly from refraining from laughing and/or keeping a straight face…but more impressive to me are your reflexes … to not be floored by the spontaneous… observations of your small humans.
My reflexes are pretty damn good… and as for Ken, yes, that explains it!
It has been so long since my boys were little that I have a hard time recollecting their sayings. I have to admit your labia on the carpet is one I had not heard or thought of before.. Good thing the kids are cute, because some days that is their only redeeming feature.
Isn’t that the truth!
Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to use the word labia without laughing or blushing. And I think yogurt is good for the skin, so maybe she is onto something!
There you go! I’m sure it was in her hair, too… 🙂
I would be passed over for your medal, I’m afraid. I can’t keep a straight face to save my life. Lucky for me, my kids are older and they think inappropriate things are funny too … like the other day when I was texting the Girl. She asked where the medicine I bought was. I replied (with the help of autocorrect) “It’s in the vag on the table.” She immediately replied “Lol!!! Omg lol” … I still giggle when I think about it. 🙂
Well, I am laughing out loud at that one, too. My 7 year old has become my partner in crime in some ways, and will laugh hysterically with me at her sister’s inappropriate antics. Glad we have more fun to look forward to! So glad you stopped by and found FTSF!
It’s amazing how the stuff just flows right out of our mouths like we’re simply talking about the weather.
I always laugh, but after the children leave the room. I hate it, though, when I’m the only one home and have to laugh all by myself.
Just this morning, one of my little loves came downstairs and said, “It’s still big!” And I had to say, “If you stop touching it, it will get small again.” Have mercy.
Your medal is well deserved!
I am loving these comments- I have the biggest smile on my face right now, and I can’t stop laughing! Your own medal-worthy moment is pretty awesome… 🙂
So hilarious and so true. I cannot believe how many times the thought bubble over my head has been “did I really just say that?” Awesome post.
Thanks, Rachel! It is kind of surreal, isn’t it? The crazy things we say…
Or how about, “We do not tie up the babysitter?”
I just finished telling my mom’s employees that story, and finally I got to laugh as hard as I wanted to!
Oh, Gawd! Yeah, that one is pretty perfect. What a story… 😉
You are fab enough on your own – can’t wait to see what all you ladies do together! I loved your quotes – never imagined you’d be saying some of those things, huh? Ah, motherhood.
Those are good ones! But the labia is maybe the best. Don’t think I’ve uttered that word in a long time. Kudos. 😉
Stephanie, you are brilliant for remembering these precious phrases! There are so many times when I smile to myself about what I am saying or what is being said to me by my developing toddlers and preschooler, but I never remember them after the fact! You should have a sign made for the “no labia on the rug” rule. That is definitely a classic;).