Today’s Monday Listicles topic is 10 Things In My Closet. At first I thought, Hmmm, what can I possibly do with this one? But once I got started, inspiration struck and I got really excited to see what everyone else comes up with this week.

So my husband and I share a walk-in closet of sorts; the previous owners of our house built a big wall towards the back of our bedroom, reducing the size of the room, but in effect creating a walk-in closet to go along with the two regular closets. The first normal closet is all mine, the second is my vanity area, and the walk-in is for both of us to share. Obviously the good husband got the short end of the stick. Here are some highlights of our closet:

1. My closet is truly the place where nursing bras go to die. I easily have a dozen nursing bras in every possible style and fit. The uber-comfy sleeping bra, the sporty racerback, the snap/clasp variety, the ultra-easy pull your whole boob out type…you name it, it’s in my closet. They all serve a specific purpose: the bra that doesn’t look lumpy or stick out of tank tops, the padded one that hides the nips in thin shirts, the easiest one for whipping it out in a hurry…How exactly I came to accumulate such a collection during my two nursing stints is beyond me. It wasn’t until my second baby was crawling that I was so tired of my dumpy, dirty-off-white, milk-stained collection of bras that I splurged and spent $60 on a black nursing bra with the enticing label of “Hot Milk”. I am not making that up. And it was worth every penny.


That’s a lot of bras.

2. My hat collection I have a handful of hats on the shelf in my closet- mostly beach hats with a few winter hats and bad-hair-day-hiders sprinkled in for good measure. I am slightly obsessed with having a healthy selection of hats to wear to the pool or on vacation. While I think they look great, my friends and family may be embarrassed to be seen with me, kind of like how I think my big sunglasses are fabulous, and they quite possibly just look weird.

3. I have approximately 20 pairs of jeans in my closet. That may be a slight exaggeration, but the point is: I have way too many pairs of jeans, considering that I hate every last f*cking pair of them right now. It’s time for me to call it, and get pregnant again so I can break out my maternity jeans get myself back to the gym. I am constantly on a never-ending quest for the elusive “perfect pair of jeans.” Have you found them? If so, where can a 5 foot 11 mother of two get a pair of non-low-rise, almost hits the belly-button, eliminates any possible muffin top, doesn’t look like mom-jeans, flattering and comfortable pair of jeans? For the love of God, where???

So many little satisfaction.

So many jeans…so little satisfaction.

4. A few Halloween costumes from when I was cool. I used to love getting dressed up and having adult costume parties. (That sounds inappropriate, but aside from perhaps drinking too much, I assure you, they were completely tasteful.) I loved wearing wigs and splurging on fun, unique costumes. Oh, to be young again. Halloween is still one of my favorites, but the sexy-costume ship has sailed, I’m afraid. Now I just slap on a pair of cat ears and call it a day.

Those would be my Morticia and Fairy costumes, respectively.

Those would be my Morticia and Fairy costumes, respectively.

5. My husband’s concert T-shirt collection. His best guess? At least 100 concert T-shirts. For real. My husband is 43 years old, and spent the better part of his 20s and 30s going to every heavy metal concert around. He still goes to a concert from time to time, and I would rather die than join him. Standing up for hours on end while being bumped into by sweaty, drunk people and listening to really loud music? No thanks. Anyway, his lengthy concert-going career has resulted in quite a collection of shirts. Did I mention he wears them all the time?  Yeah.

Piles and piles of concert shirts.

Piles and piles of concert shirts.

6. My childhood dresser As I mentioned, our closet is a walk-in of sorts, and there was room for a whole separate dresser in there. Given that I was unwilling to part with the dresser I have had since I was born when we finally bought a new one for both our stuff, the closet seemed like the perfect place to put it. I fill it with stuff that I don’t need to access on a daily basis, like…

They don't make 'em like this, anymore...

They don’t make ’em like this, anymore…

7. My extensive Holiday Pajama collection I buy myself a new pair every year, and have done so for the past 8 years. You do the math.

Santas, candy canes, playful kittens...I've got them all.

Santas, candy canes, playful kittens…I’ve got them all.

8. My “stylish” hospital gown When I was pregnant with Sophie, #2, I decided it might be nice to have a special hospital gown to wear during labor and delivery. Perhaps it was taking my desire of looking nice in photos a little too far, but it was called “The Sophie” style in the catalog, so how could I resist? And to be honest, I kind of loved it.

So worth the fifty bucks

So worth the fifty bucks

9. Uncool shoes My feet are size 9 AAAA. In other words, they are long and freakishly narrow. In case you have never had the pleasure of shopping for cute shoes in this size, let me bring you up to speed. It sucks. You can’t go to just any shoe store and expect to find anything narrow enough to fit. If you do manage to find narrow shoes, they are frickin’ expensive. So I have far fewer pairs of shoes than most women, and most of them are comfortable, but not at all stylish. I know, I know, you can always shop online and order special narrow shoes, but it’s just not the same as the supposedly fun girls-go-shoe-shopping experience that other people have. It’s annoying, frustrating, and depressing. (I am so sad about this, I will refrain from sharing photos of my ugly shoes with you, but if you scroll back up to the nursing bra photo, you can catch a glimpse of a sad shoe falling off the shelf. Feel sorry for me.)

10. My clothes are organized according to color This may seem a little obsessive-compulsive, but so am I.  I find it both helpful and comforting.

Look closely...there is a special pattern.

Look closely…there is a special pattern.

So there you have it…until next time, what’s in your closet?

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