Slumber Parties. Pillow Fights. Giggling Girls. Karaoke. KidZ Bop. Friends, I have emerged from the other side of the “First Sleepover Party” experience, and I’d like to share my wisdom with you. You may think, “How hard can it be to have a sleepover birthday party for a bunch of eight-year-olds?” Please allow me to be the one to throw a bucket of cold water on your naïve fantasies. After the first few hours of the party, I was sweating like a pig going through menopause. It wasn’t pretty. One of my primary accomplishments that evening was that I waited until the children were in their pajamas before I busted out my box of wine. Yes, box. I was unprepared for the emotional drama that accompanies a gathering of five third grade girls, but if you follow these handy tips, perhaps your first experience playing hostess at a slumber party will be a wild success.
- Immediately cancel the sleepover. You’re welcome. You may stop reading here, go about your business, and have a relaxing non-sleepover party for your offspring. Good day to you.
- (What the hell is wrong with you? Can’t you read? I clearly directed you to abort this foolish plan and book a party at your local trampoline center. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. OK, fine. I’ll give you some actual practical advice.) Tip #2: Have a notebook ready where parents can leave their names, phone numbers, a list of food allergies for their child, any other relevant information, and what time they will be picked up. It helps to have all the contact and emergency information in one place. So many kids have dietary restrictions and special routines, and it’s convenient to keep it all together.
- Make a clear plan for the party; these girls are going to need some actual activities. If you think a small group of pre-tween girls is capable of self-directing their agenda without arguing, whining, or complaining, you’ve got another think coming. Sure, it’s always good to be flexible, but have some sort of vision for how you’d like the night to unroll. Follow my Type A (fruit-of-my-womb-that-fell-close-to-the-Control-Freak-Tree) daughter’s example and have your child handwrite scrolls to place on each child’s sleeping area. I suppose just having a vague idea would work fine, too. The girls had some free time to play outside, they made a craft (disclaimer: I bought a bunch of sand art kits from Hobby Lobby. Crafts need not be for the crafty: if I can do it, so can you.), they had a pillow fight, they sang, they danced, they watched a movie. It was the quintessential sleepover itinerary.
The Itinerary
The presentation
- Invest in some novelty fun. I bought several Karaoke CDs for my daughter’s party—a true testament of my selfless love for her. So I may have busted out my own version of “Let It Go” before I let her have a turn—so what? It’s not like I grabbed the microphone away and refused to allow her to sing. (Well, fine, maybe I did, but as soon as I was done kicking ass I handed it over.) I also stocked up on cotton balls to prevent my ears from bleeding and purchased the latest KidZ Bop CD for the freeze-dance par-tay. You have no proof that I hummed along to “Timber” from several rooms away.
- Obtain a Master’s Degree in Counseling in order to effectively deal with the emotional drama that will undoubtedly ensue. After about an hour, my daughter cornered me in the kitchen and, wide-eyed, anxiously explained that three out of four of the girls had pulled her aside to express their concern that a) the other girls didn’t like them or b) my daughter didn’t like the gift they gave her. Eight. Years. Old. Your advanced training will also come in handy when one of the children is homesick and can’t decide whether or not she should stay overnight at the party. (The answer: Send her ass home ASAP. If a child is on the fence about whether they’ll make it all night, call their mom pronto. It’s that or you’ll get the old tap-tap-tap on the shoulder in the wee hours of the morning from a child whom you do not claim on your taxes. Ain’t nobody got time for that.)
- If some of the kids are going home before bedtime, arrange for them to be picked up before 9:00 pm, or an hour before you want the remaining children to be asleep. Depending on the ages of the kids, not all of them are going to be ready to sleep away from home. I hated sleeping at other kids’ houses, and I’m quite certain that my own child wouldn’t be one of the overnighters. So offer parents the option of coming before bedtime to get their kids, otherwise their daughters may want to skip the party altogether. But plan ahead: you’ll need some downtime to pad the transition from pick-up to wind-down for those who stay. Plus, the kids who are uncertain about staying all night will start to feel sad when other kids get picked up, and at that point you’ll be screwed: they’ll start dropping like flies.
- Stock up on tissue for when your daughter becomes inconsolable when the party guests, as predicted, start dropping like flies. It would be in your best interest to give your child a pep talk preparing her for the fact that some of her friends may not make it all night. I was blindsided when the only party guest whose presence really mattered, the BFF, became homesick, started crying, and was picked up just after 11:00 pm (poor little sweet pea!). One thought played over and over in my head: “What the sweet, everlasting f*ck have we done?” Don’t let yourself, or your child, be caught off guard. An endearing snapshot of Carly Rae Jepsen-crooning girls can quickly become a tragic story of rejection and despair in mere hours; don’t let yourself become the exhausted woman repeating, “Worst. Idea. Ever.” to your bewildered husband just before midnight.
- Take care of yourself. Have some wine, beer, a White Russian, perhaps, but of course make sure your senses are still sharp. You’ll need them to deal with emotional turmoil and unexpected late night pickups. Buy some good earplugs for the Karaoke and Kidz Bop dance-offs. Beg your bestie or your mom to come help. I recommend that no fewer than four able-bodied adults be present for the slumber party. And for the love of all that is holy, book a massage for yourself the next day after the kids (what’s left of them) go home.
There’s still time- CANCEL THIS PARTY RIGHT NOW if your child is under the age of 10 years old. I’ll be quite honest—the first half of my eight-year-old’s sleepover party was delightful, harmonious, and memorable. Sure, have the kids bring their jammies, sleeping bags, pillows, and stuffed animals. Let them eat popcorn and watch movies on the floor. But get their asses out of there before bedtime. It’s not worth it. Do not under any circumstances allow the children to “slumber” at your home.
Words to live by.
You might think I’m awfully un-fun and anti-sleepover. Not at all! I think a one-on-one sleepover is great fun for third graders. But a party? Hell no. Save that shit for middle school, when pretty much everything sucks anyway, and spare yourself the drama and hassle.
**So what do you think? Am I being too negative about sleepover parties for third graders? Am I a giant, whiney wuss? When do you think kids should have sleepovers with more than one friend? And do you have a sleepover horror story?
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All I can think of is how my mom let me have them all the time. She was a saint. Their is no way I ever want to do this! At least I only have one girl and I don’t think boys really do sleepovers – do they???
I think if they do, they suck less. Boys may be loud, but they’re less dramatic.
For all that is holy: I have just read this Blog twice and have laughed so hard that tears are running down my face. Here are my favorite phrases from the Blog:
“Cancel right now. You don’t need to read further.”
*Send their ass home ASAP
*They’ll be dropping like flies”
*What the everlasting F*ck have we done?
Now what is interesting is that I actually witnessed the entire party – from euphoric beginning to abysmal end. I came upstairs from my “haven” at 11 PM to find my granddaughter sitting on my daughter’s lap sobbing because everyone was “dropping like flies.” I went back to my room, texted my son for comfort, and did not fall asleep for almost two hours after, as I was so upset about my granddaughter’s sadness. So, why do I laugh, you ask? Time heals bad memories…………………
Ha! I thought you’d enjoy it… given that you lived it along with me.
Having three girls, I’ve done the sleepover thing many times. My advice: Don’t fool yourself into thinking anyone is going to actually sleep – including you! Have some wine, yes, but also stock up on your favorite coffee for the next day!
Another idea – My hubby travels a lot for work and, therefore, accrues a lot of hotel/airline points. My December baby wanted a pool party last year, but, of course couldn’t have one outdoors in December. (Her 2 sisters are summer babies and she find this exceptionally unfair.) So, using my hubs’ points, we booked a hotel party sleepover. 2 adjoining rooms – 1 for me & 1 for them. It was great! Still no sleep, but also no clean up for me!!!!! We jumped in the pool, had pizza delivered, watched movies, etc. She wants to do it again this year!
You know, that actually sounds like fun. Do I have post-sleepover amnesia to say such a thing? 😉
What an awesome idea!
Yes, Yes Yes!!!!! Cancel the party! My daughter had a slumber birthday party last year (for her 9th) and it was her first and LAST slumber party. I was nervous anyway, having scars form my own long-ago slumber parties, so drop off was at 6p.m. and pickup at 9a.m. I can sum up all the trouble with tip number 5! Lordy, I was unprepared for the emotional drama. At one point my daughter cornered me and confessed that she wished she’d never had the party. It killed me not to gloat and shout, “I told you so!” Another tip – do not hesitate to open you mommy can of whip-ass. At midnight I let all little girls know, in no uncertain terms (and in my mean mommy voice) that their night was over and everyone was going to sleep. The next person who came to me with a grievance was going home. I did not see or hear another girl until the sun rose!
Isn’t it CRAZY?! And good call with the whip-ass; I hope you got some sleep after that!
Holy God bless you. I had three, yes three girls sleep over for my daughter’s seventh birthday. Made fancy party bags with face masks, bought Magnolia Cupcakes, decorated and did a scavenger hunt that ended at a costume for each girl. HAHAHAH. Actually my sons did the scavenger hunt and when all four girls claimed they didn’t like their chosen outfit, after all the work my sons had done I looked those boys in the eyes and told the truth. Welcome to parenting. Twenty years of trying and never making anyone happy. Enjoy. I was then told how awful the cupcakes were by one guest and then had to rub all of their backs while they fell asleep. I spent the following week cleaning the mess and looking for missing: library books, toothbrushes, glasses etc. Don’t you people buy extras? I don’t let my own kids have library books in this crazy place and you brought yours over for me to find. Holy what the what were you thinking. Am sure to do it again this year. Crap cake, no fun activities. They can play emotional hunger games for all I care. I am slightly less bitter than I sound 😉
HA! That is so funny! And seriously- isn’t it insane?? Why would anybody bring a library book? Or complain about a cupcake? It’s highly unlikely that we’ll have another one for a LONG time…
Absolutely fantastic howled laughing and really enjoyed this post! Luckily at only 3 years old we aren’t at the sleepover stage yet but I remember the days well from my own childhood!
Aw, thanks! Glad it made you laugh! And since you only have a three-year-old, you can consider this your advance warning to NEVER have a sleepover party! 🙂
never, ever host a sleepover. send the rug rats else’s house for the night.
That’s the freaking truth.
I’m still on number 1. LOL Love this post – and so on-point.
😀 Thanks, Carin!
This is a 100% accurate description of my daughter’s slumber party last year! People, listen to this wise woman. She speaks the truth!
Glad I’m not alone! And… sorry you had to live through it, too! Thanks for stopping by; I love your name! I wrote a post several years ago called “Deliver Us From Mommui.” 😉
I’m so with you on this one! I have an 8 yo myself and we did a late over instead. By 9:30, I was so ready for them all to leave! I can barely deal with my own kids in the middle of the night that I’m not sure we’ll ever have sleepovers!! You’re a brave soul.
Oh, a “late-over” is the best antidote to a sleepover ever. I’m totally stealing that idea for next time.
I have done them but for my son, and you are right, or at least in my case, it was loud and they are a bit wild. Also, don’t ever plan to sleep. Or at least tag team with your spouse. We did have a boy who could not stick it out, but the guys got over it quickly. I was woken up to mediate once. And there seems to be a game where the idea is that nobody ever falls asleep. My dons best friend was great at this one, I don’t think he ever went to asleep. The boys call them wake overs! I would also suggest to not have the party the day after the boys had “that” health class, you know the one where they discuss sex! Lol! It was funny!
You are a good mommy! The funny thing is, the girls will probably look back at this fondly and talk about when they get older.
Wake-overs- SO true! And I can’t even imagine a sleepover after the sex talk day- Oh. My. Lord.
Awesome story. People hire doulas for giving birth. Maybe they should have psychologists on call for slumber parties. Thanks for the warning. Ugh, little girl drama—not looking forward to negotiating that minefield as Z gets older. She’s enough drama for me already. And her BFF right now is exactly the same. Her mom caught her looking in the mirror while crying. That’s a bad sign.
That made me laugh and cringe at the same time… yikes! That is such a bad sign. Hang in there, girl… dramatic daughter mamas, unite !
My kid turned 8 in March and we had a Frozen-themed PJ party. Everyone went home at 7:30pm. Done and done. I will be dragged kicking and screaming into the sleepover years, my friend. Kicking and screaming.
Don’t do it! Stay away from the light! You are smart, my friend…
Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about this just yet, and I have a son! But glad to hear you survived it.
I still remember the horror of a birthday slumber party my mom let ME have in 4th grade. Worse. Night. Ever.
Yes, you’re a giant whiney wuss. KIDDING. Also wuss should be spelled with an “h,” like this: whuss. Just saying.
So some of the kids for real go home before bed? That’s actually pretty genius. I remember sleep overs but I can’t really remember when they started – maybe 5th grade??? I do remember being really tired but everybody made fun of the girls already sleeping, so I stayed up, and then I think ended up participating in a bad dare, and getting blamed for it all. Jerks.
I LOVE Izzy’s itinerary. And the flaccid balloon. Because, duh.
Stock up on alcohol and cancel while you still can. For me, it comes down to that. I read this on HuffPo last week and loved it then. I still love it. My daughter is 22 and I STILL remember the girl slumber party drama.
I have a 9yo son and we have never hosted a sleep over party ever! And he hasn’t gone to one yet. I am not ready! Maybe when he is uhhmmm 35? 😀
SO funny and SO true!!!! I did this a few times and regretted not doing your FIRST piece of advice every single time I went for it. Now? NEVER would I have allowed myself that torture looking back!
I,currently am having my girls’ 8th birthday and it has been nothing but chaos and drama, lots of crying, including me at one point. First, my advice would be keep it simple. Limit the number of girls to two or three. What a disaster and to top off the night two girls got sick and puked. Yeah, thats what I want to do after all the crying is clean up someone else’s kids puke. Bad night!
Wow! Thank goodness I found your blog on Pinterest while in the slumber party planning mode. Party is off, for sure. Now, how to break it to my soon to be 9 year old?! Oh yes, bribery!
Bwahaha! Good luck, mama! 🙂
Found this helpful (and funny). I’m not going to cancel it, but I did find your parent sign in sheet thing pretty smart!
I’m hoping the kids don’t change their minds about staying, since this would probably be the hardest to deal with. But even if a few do, I know there is at least 1 or 2 that won’t leave.
Thanks again!
This is AWESOME! I have a sleep over planned for my 7 year old next weekend and was browsing for craft and game ideas when I came across your honest blog post. I am tempted to take your #1 advise, but not willing to see the disappointment in my daughters eyes…so I am now adding wine to my list of what to buy. 🙂
Honestly though…it is only 3 girls, all of whom are very close friends of hers (she’s known them pretty much since birth) and the Mothers are close friends of mine. (I think 1-2 of them even plan to stick around, drinking wine and helping with the craft!)
I think I am most nervous about bedtime…as I remember not liking sleeping at friends houses either.
Wish me luck and thank you so much for the laugh!
This is by far the greatest thing I’ve ever read. On that note my 7 year old has convinced Mommy that she needs a sleep over this year I reluctantly have agreed and quickly recruited my Mom, my sister and her best friend to help. Oh yes and bonus the sleep over is taking place at my Moms…..she has more room and doesn’t have 4 other kids running around. My hope is to make it through but hey we shall see right…..lol thankfully the 3 girls coming are not real dramatic and I’m good friends with their Mommies so hoping this all helps. I have however added wine to the shopping list of goodies. Wish me luck…should be fun!! Thanks for the laugh.
Ha! Thank you! So gald you liked it!
Had I read this seven hours ago, I might have taken your advice and immediately cancelled this, my eight year olds first slumber party. I have no less than EIGHT children in this house, all giggling and sounding for all the world like a bunch of foghorns. WHY? What possessed me?
I will NEVER, EVER fall for the’oh mummy, but a slumber party will be so much fun!’ lie again.
It. is. not. fun. not for me, and probably not for my neighbours. I’ve shushed them so many times it’s not real. And it hasn’t made a darn bit of difference. I also neglected to enlist any other adult help. I am trapped. in a house. with eight children. and I regret it. It may well turn out to be the single worst idea I have ever had!
I am living this right now! And it is 4 10 year old boys! I really would like to hide in a corner by myself and shed a few tears! Worst night ever!
I am so in love with this post!i laughed out loud!!! I am in the beginning stages of planning my daughter’s 9th birthday as a sleepover!! Maybe I’ll rethink that now… Hahaha!! Thank you for this!!
Omg I’m laughing so hard I’m crying! Crying mostly because I already agreed to an 8 yr old slumber party!! I think I will try to pull off the late-over!!
Aaah jeez! You lot got me panicking like f*#k now haha I have 5 of my daughters friends round tomoz for a sleepover party…drop off is at 3pm so im hoping by 10 or 11 they’ll all be so whacked i will avoid the emotional turmoil attached to the girly drama stuff cuz theyll just fall asleep, especially considering I’m a single dad!
Got loads of activities etc planned and they are a real tight bunch and 4 of the friends are also from a broken family so are used to sleeping round different houses so i am hoping this will help??? Please reassure me, someone, anyone haha
Haha! You’re going to be fine!! How did it go? 😉
shit im in the middle of one help. one kids doesn’t like pizza… dinner, another didn’t like the fruit for the chocolate fountain… one didn’t like the chocolate… popcorn and cheesy puffs hated by another… snacks for the movie…made bracelets but got bored have already had 2 crying… its only 830pm. im so stressed…
I have a hawaiin luau birthday party followed by a aleepover with about 6 girls for my daughters 8th birthday scheduled for this saturday. I am peeparèd for some kids to chicken out and go home because that is what i did when i was little. But now that i have read all this i am a little freaked out now. Please pray for my sanity that it goes better for me and that nobody throws up because i do not do weĺl with my own kids throw up so i most definately am not wanting to be faced wih that situation.
Thanks alot, I came here for advice and now I am having a panic attack!!!! haha I have TEN 8 yr old girls sleeping over on Saturday. Is it too late to cancel??? What have I gotten myself in to?
I don’t remember the sleepovers being that nutty when I was a kid. Of course our kids today have way more crap and higher expectations (no thanks to us). I do remember the drama, but perhaps the pain has worn off. We’re embarking on our first sleepover on the day after tomorrow. Starting late, which I hope will help. Thank god for Pinterest! Wish me luck and I’ll be back to report if it’s a screaming disaster so you can say “I told you so!”
I just had my first slumber party with four 8-years old plus my daughter. I wish I had read your blog before it happened. although in general it went pretty well and I did had some activities planned, I cannot believe the number of almost drama crashes that occurred and the end of party climax drama that unfolded at the end.
Reading your blog gave me some perspective and humor to see it in a different light. Next time, tiger mom will be ready!
SO I have my daughter’s first sleepover in 3 days… she’s 8.
What….have….I…done….. o_0